All I need is a plan.

So. Into the pits and out the otherside.  I knew I would, feeling sorry for myself is not a therapy that really works for me.  Having a plan is! This tends to drive other people mad, they sometimes find it difficult to comprehend the speed with which I can go at and the fact I totally expect them to keep up.

But... It helps me and as this is my blog, so it goes at my speed (I have to say the blog writing is helping)  Anyway Eager has been fine in herself, but far lamer than she was a week ago! Due to large needles being stuck in her joints I guess.  After me stalking out to the stables a few times Thursday night to ensure she didn't have colic (tildren side effect) She has been her usual poppit self.

Rockley Farm, I have been following a for a long time on Facebook.  I'm not entirely sure how how it came on my radar.  I think from meeting Wiola at Hippikos a few years ago, I know she and Pauline had Kingsley there for a time.  Anyway, Nic Baker writes some very interesting articles.  What I didn't realise is that she is and specialises in Navicluar (let's call it's this) rehabilitation.  So, before Eager was even home on Thursday I had phoned her and left a message (I think not too hysterical).

The up shot of this is she phoned back on Friday, sent me an explanation sheet and we have exchanged a few emails and has given me the contact of a lady whose horse was there earlier in the year.  A mare also 5 who had never been shod.  I look forward to talking to her soon. She recommended I wait a couple of weeks to see how we go.  But after that and the vets agreement she is more than happy to take her for Rehab.  

With regards to Nic, I haven't been able to find (not that I've looked) a single deflammatory post about her.  It is so refreshing that with the blogs and her quick responses she obviously just wants to help horses.  It's not just about the making money. The vet report sheet is encouraging.  She has an 85% success rate. 85%! That's good enough odds for me and almost the reverse of conventional methods (from what I can gather) and not just field sound.  Back to hunting, jumping and eventing sound. 

So I wait like a cat on a hot tin roof for 2 weeks to see what happens. 

So Geoff farrier came on Friday night and took the toe off her feet.  (should have taken a picture before) he also said that she shouldn't have wedge shoes as her foot is upright enough and it would put her knee's out.  Also commented he was very surprised as she just didn't have Navicular feet....

I am off to Donna Blinman on Monday, having purchased two RX Therapy boots with thick pads to make her journey more comfy. I find it amazing this appointment was booked a few weeks ago when I had an inkling there was something not quite right.   But there was no rush. I left a message with Donna on weds and bless her, she emailed back Friday to say she had already requested the notes from my vet.  Lol that will please them! So it will be good to have her view and also to see if the imbalance is further up. (Which I am sure it is) 

Then I get home from there on Monday and Antonio is coming to look at her feet. 

She stayed in the box until yesterday (Saturday) and thankfully just sauntered out of the box yesterday evening.  Leading the boys to the back field, taking it as always in her stride.  She just trust me, I know she does. I won't let her down. 

Anyway, what about that for a plan! 

The day I question everything.....

Last night I lay in bed and for the first time probably since my 20's.  I questioned everything in my life. Everything I have done for 15 years. The work , the house, the no children, the money I've spent, the tears I've shed.  Absolutely everything.  If all it amounts to is this........

I have been amazingly remiss at writing, again thinking I had all of the time in the world. The training with Juliet every week has been going well jumping.  Also I have been on a couple more courses at Becky's. The last being most notable when we got her working beautifully.... But there was something not quite right.  I have been having these niggaling feelings that she hasn't been quite sound.  But the moments have been fleeting and then she is fine.  I accuse myself of being paranoid. 

But at Becky's 3 weeks ago we have the unsound steps in trot on video.  Thankfully, I had the physio out the next day and we worked on her shoulders and she gave me an exercise to do. But if she is not sound in a week, to call the vet.  I had her feet checked.  They were fine, no tenderness.  A week later she isn't sound, so I call the vet.

I tell myself it can be any number of things.  People get lame horses all of the time and they are fine. This doesn't have to be anything terminal.  Conor retired at 13 and Zulu at 10, I couldn't possibly be that unlucky.  It will be fine. Maybe it's a tendon, maybe it's a bit of shoulder tension.  Maybe they won't find anything and the appointment I made months ago with Donna Blinman this coming Monday will just sort it all out.  It will be fine.

So she spends a week off and I go to Nice for the weekend, which was amazing. I return Monday and on Tuesday I take her to Blaircourt for her lameness assessment with Patrick.  Bless her I left her in the box and her little face as I drove off watching me.  I suddenly realised the reality.

No phone call that night, but Patrick left me a message on Wednesday morning to tell me she was lame in all gaits on a straight line and on the lunge.  They nerve blocked the left foot and she became sound on the left, but lame on the right.  Conclusion, she has a bilateral foot lameness. Tomorrow he was going to nerve block the coffin joints and X-ray the feet. 

He phoned the next day at midday. He had nerve blocked the coffin on the left and it took 8 mins to become sound.  He said this was far too long for it to be the coffin joints, by 8 minutes it would be in the navicular. So he has x-rayed and it isn't good.  She has terrible wear on the navicular bone that shouldn't be on a 5 year old. I questioned what, as although Navicular strikes the fear of god into every equestrian I know this isn't a problem in its own right, it isn't a disease as it was once classed, its a symptom. 

It can be a few things.  The main one is caused by excessive wear and unevenness on the collateral ligaments that run down each side and attach to the navicular bone.  If this is excessive it can cause the ligament to pull off fragments of bone.  He is worried that he can see this, but isn't quite sure. It's something she would need to have an MRI scan for.  The irony that it's mainly on shod horses and research suggest that going barefoot can then help.... She has only ever been barefoot. 

He showed me lots of pictures and models, whilst I understand it I can't remember all he said now. But it's mainly to do with for imbalance.  I am cursing my farrier and myself for not using Antonio. Patrick said not to be hard on myself, this kind of damage isn't done in a few months. 

Navicular Syndrome as it is now called is not the death sentence it used to be. We may have caught it in time.

I discussed that maybe we should go for an MRI and he said we could, but the treatment would be the same.  So lets treat and if she isn't sound in 6 weeks, we will send for a scan.

So yesterday, she was injected with steroids and hyaluronic acid into both her coffin joint and navicular bursars.  She then had a drip of Tildren which is a bone growth inhibitor and is known to be amazing for navicular problems. He also wanted to put her in wedge shoes, which so far I cannot see the benefit of, so we have agreed to disagree on this.  He is for the moment going along with getting my trimmer to get the toe off and balance her foot. I am not totally anti shoe, but he is certainly anti barefoot!  I just don't get how it helps? I just don't. I do understand the foot needs to be totally balanced and the toe shorter, I don't get how shoes help this more than a good trim if she isn't foot sore?

I've read good stories, especially at Rockley Farm about horses becoming sound after being written off by vets. Rockley getting them barefoot....  But she is barefoot already, I hope it's just a balancing thing? Because otherwise it leaves me nowhere to go.....

But last night all I could think of is the reality... The good stories are few and far between.  Even if she is sound? Is it right to jump? So my last dream of eventing is dead. I am within a year back to riding a horse which I am constantly worried about.  If she comes sound at all?

I can't look after or afford anymore more horses.  She is so lovely, I dont think I can so ruthless as to get rid of her.  Will I have 4 retired horses that potentially can live for another 25 years?

So what has it all been for? The dreams of flying. The sacrifice, the tears, the pain and the heartache. Because at the moment.... I just don't know. I am 42, what on earth do I do now? What am I if I'm not riding? It has become my whole life. I fear at the moment for my liver, my marriage and my sanity. 

And we are off.....

I met my new jump trainer Juliet Cottey yesterday and had our first jumping lesson with Eager B. Despite the fact she was half asleep (Eager not Juliet), I believe it was a resounding success.  Nothing too complicated, nothing over jumped.  Everything done in Eager style :-)

Juliet was great, she asked me a about a few things I was doing, raising my hand etc.  She wasn't critical just curious.  So I think we have our new jump trainer! 

She loved Eager (let's face it... who doesn't) and was highly complementary of her balance and rhythmic paces (lol these are not an accident) and could see why I am thinking of getting back eventing. Although she agreed 7 years out is a long time and may be tricky.  Let's see how we go. Certainly the lack of over jumping everything, unlike the big man makes me feel very much at ease. :-)

Next lesson is booked for the 13 May and I am hoping to have them at least every two weeks.  Having received quite a bit of cash for my birthday, I have stuck it in a pot to pay her with.  This should hopefully see me through the summer!  When for obvious reasons it will have to go to weekends only.

Birthday

I used to find myself feeling a bit miserable on my birthday. But today I am alone (not all day) lying on a waterbed in a spa in Mallorca.  Having had a lovely massage and a huge breakfast! Feeling reflective, but not unhappy.  This, I think is the thing, it's quite an obvious anniversary to look at the years events and to become nostalgic, happy or sad.  But I have decided to use this moment to and set goals for the future and it would appear, document!

Yesterday I had the absolute pleasure of having a lesson with and hanging out with Mallorcan show jumping champion and general athlete Emelie Marsh.  I don't know Emelie at all, but the timing of us coming out to Mallorca seems to coincide with Emellie having a major incident and the reason we are here is because David is cycling with her husband Dan. So a couple of years ago we came out just after Emelie's tragic fall from a horse that was to have a huge impact on the rest of her life. Please read her blog, from the beginning.  It's a true read of someone's determination and open mindedness overcoming adversity! www.emeliemarsh.com

Having read this you will understand I was possibly a little nervous to meet her! But, that was completely wasted as from the minute we met I don't think either of us stopped talking and all preconceptions gone! I was pleased to see she was driving, walking, talking and riding with apparent ease and had I not been reading the blog over the last year or so, I would have not suspected anything had happened in the last couple of years. 

I then had the pleasure of riding Laala (I think) who is the horse she won the Mallorca championship on.  I will be honest I was nervous, of course.  I was 41 and 364 days old about to get on a beautiful, fit exceptionally athletic mare of 600kg!  But, I had a thoroughly good time and Emelie did well with me (I wish she was about in England) getting me to concentrate on my riding and not the poles on the ground. She made me feel/realise I can ride and when she asked me to ride a tight circle in canter like I was doing a pirouette, I knew exactly what to do and executed it first time. I came away with a good feeling of what I need Eager to feel like and today I am in pain! My stomach muscles and bum are killing me! I literally rode my arse off! It's a real pity I forgot to ask her to take some photos. 

So goals I need to focus on are Eager's jumping and I want to be eventing next year.  I have already set the ball rolling....  To get to eventing I need to have jumping experience, repetition and trust under my belt. I need to know she will jump anything I point her at. 

Jumping is much easier said than done when you are home alone.  But Emelie reminded me yesterday about canter poles and it doesn't really matter of they move or get kicked about. Also last week I found someone who is willing to come to me after work and teach. So if we get on, hopefully I can get this going in the summer at least to every 2 weeks.  Apart from that I need to get David back in training to put jumps up! 

To also set my goal I have booked a lesson with John Bowen at brook farm, which will be in the big scary arena with hopefully small inviting jumps. This is at the end of May. I have 1 month!  Also by the end of June, I need to have competed in a dressage comp. 

Documented! 

It's times like these

That horses are just great!

The horses are living out and have been for a couple of weeks now.  Still supplying vast quantities of hay, but oh my god life is so much easier! The horses are happy. I feel less guilty and to top it off riding has been good.

I hacked with Vicky and Marian at the weekend which was lovely although almost didn't happen because I had forgotten my bridle. Who would have thought we would manage to cobble together a bridle for a 16.2 horse from two people that own ponies :-) I will take this opportunity to mention when I got home I found a neue schule bit in the grooming box......  (Clearing throat) 

Which incidentally I switched her to last night. I have been using a curved snaffle that I had found in my tack room from my collection when she arrived. But she does have times when she throws her head around a bit and stops to rub her nose on her legs a lot.  I thought was a stress thing but I have thought about trying another bit.  So after I found it I thought would give a go.  I have no idea what it is but could have been a starter big with a lozenge.  Anyway, she seemed much happier and no head rubbing at all!

For the last couple of schooling sessions has gone like a dream and have found myself suddenly wanting to ride again :-)  so looking forward to Becky's next week. 

One step forward, two back

So I have started a few posts recently.  

The first one being about my 3 day course at Becky's at the beginning of March.  I was expecting great things after the success of February, but it was a little bit of a nothing for me riding wise. I think it failed for a few reasons 1) it was just too close to the February course.  I had a great course and 2 weeks away was just not long enough for me to practise enough (think I had actually ridden 3 times) although saying that Becky said we looked so much better and had  already incorporated what we had learnt really quickly. So day one was great and was looking forward to the next 3 sessions over the next 2 days.... 

Day 2 is where it started to go a little wrong. Eager is an absolute gem and there is no malice in her at all.  But she does have her days when she can be a little skittish and sharp.  Maybe over time I will learn these are the 'lady' times. She looks fine from the outside and manages from the ground pretty much the same, which is great. But you get on and you just know it is going to be interesting. After spooking twice and again coming the closest I have been in a few years to coming off. I started to get nervous. We were trying to do some trot work and all she wanted to do was go up.  Becky was telling me to push her forward, but I just knew if I did that she was going to go up more or forward at a great, great speed and I just wasn't comfortable with that.  So I got off and put her on the lunge line. Where she confirmed my suspicion's and wazzed around at full tilt for 10 minutes with airs above the ground for good measure. Again testament to her, for not doing it with me on board!  I got on, trotted around a couple of times and put her away. The afternoon session we were all in the school together. I went in let her mooch around and put her away again.  Mood was pretty much unchanged from the morning! Now this left me feeling pretty shitty if I'm honest.  It was technically the first time I'd been scared of her and I was cross with myself.

Next day she was back to normal..... But lame.  Turns out she had slight tendon strain (not bloody surprised) so she has been in rest for the last 3 weeks.

So only rode once effectively. I was disappointed but had a great 3 days off with Vicky and Marian staying in the bunk house! Where we ate far to much food and wine and generally behaved like it was adult pony camp and had far too little sleep. Lol

So I got back on board last Sunday and took her out by herself for a hack.  She was great and well behaved.  The clocks went forward as well that day.  So have managed further 2 hacks after work this week and it's only Thursday! Not all have been as successful as the first but we have ridden anyway!

So now I need to remain focused and will start schooling tonight in aim to get her fit enough and make it productive enough at Becky's in 2 weeks time.  Again not ideal timing, but I geared all my time at Becky's this year front half of the year heavy.... I didn't take into account lameness!

Horse & Hound Draft

For some bizarre reason I have been contacted via SEIB for an article in Horse & Hound about Zulu's Loss of Use Claim.

I have been trying to write about Zulu for months now (seriously I have this on going draft that reduces me to tears every time)  Then I had to quickly write about what went wrong....  So here it is before H&H quite rightly cut it down to what they actually asked for LOL

"Zulu is now 10.  I purchased Zulu as a 5 year old from an importer and he was 16.2hh.  He is a branded Holsteiner.  Within 2 years he was 18hh.  He was insured for loss of use from the day of purchase.  I had recently retired my IDx through ringbone at 13 (which was heartbreaking)  and decided it was a good idea.  I had toyed with the idea of cancelling it a few times over the years as it does add a lot to the policy.

I had taken it very slowly with Zulu as he was a big horse and seemed to take a few years to know where his legs were.  We had actually stopped competing for a couple of years as my trainer (Becky Chapman) was taken on as a student by Phillipe Karl and I wanted to go on the journey with her to maintain long term soundness in my horse.  I was becoming very disenchanted by what I was seeing in the dressage world and it wasn’t worth “that much” too me.  I wanted to go back into dressage competition at least at Medium or upwards also show jumping at which he excelled.  Jumping the wings more than I would have liked!  I had originally purchased to event but he jumped just too big and everything was a drama, so we stuck with show jumping and dressage.  He was a huge striding flamboyant horse with a heart of gold.  It took me a good couple of years to learn how to ride the huge stride and to not fall into the trap of holding him back.  He was my once in a lifetime horse that combined talent with a loving nature.

Having not had any reason to call the vet since I had owned him in 4 years.  In January 2013 when he was 9, he suddenly stopped being able to bend his head down to eat food/hay/etc.  He would reach down and shoot straight up again.  The vet came out immediately and whilst he couldn’t see anything obvious he wanted to do X-rays to discount fractures, it was at this point I first phoned SEIB.  He took x-rays at the surgery and could see nothing that apparent e.g. fractures etc.  They recommended chiropractic work and I took him to Donna Blinman in Newmarket who had seen him over the years for tweaks.  She said potentially he had fallen in the field and treated him.  Within days he was eating off the floor and I went back to riding. 

SEIB had paid out for this treatment at the vets and the chiropractic as alternative.  But my renewal had become due in February and they had removed coverage of his entire Spine.  I was fuming!  He was a big horse to discount the entire spine through a neck injury.  I couldn’t see how this was anything but an accident.

During the next couple of months, whilst he seemed to go back into normal work something just wasn’t right. He didn’t feel right behind and was swinging his left hind underneath him.  By March he wouldn’t go any faster than walk with me on board.  This was strange in itself as he could do all lateral work, was showing no signs of lameness and was happily trotting and cantering on the field and on the lunge.  The vet came again and said he thought it was to do with the neck still and suggested he go to Rossdale’s for a scan. 

SEIB covered this all under the original neck claim in January.

He had the great fortune of seeing Sarah Boys-Smith at Rossdale on 16^th April, who was amazing from start to finish.  They initially couldn’t see any lameness when performing lameness tests, but under scintigriphy they found a hotspot by the caudal articular joints in the neck.  They then performed a full neurological examination and found Grade 1 Ataxia in his fore limbs and Grade 1-2 in both hind limbs.  The next day they took further X-rays and discovered Osteoarthritis in C5-C7 of his neck.  The grading didn’t seem too bad, until they told me it was out of 5 this being him unable to get up from the floor.

In basic terms the Osteoarthritis was inside the joint and pressing on his Spinal Cord causing the neurological deficits in all 4 legs.  He didn’t know what he was doing with his legs. Sarah there and then strongly advised that I DO NOT get on him, he could go down at any moment and I was lucky it hadn’t already happened.  I advised he still had Loss of Use insurance and she advised this would be a Loss of Use if no improvement was made.  Rossdales then wanted to medicate the neck joint under ultrasound with corticosteroids to see if it could take the swelling down, but not to be too hopeful.   I took him home to think about it.  I turned him out with the other horses and as he cantered away he lost his back end and fell.  I phoned Rossdale’s and took him back for the steroid injection on 24 April.

I contacted SEIB about the fact this may be a Loss of Use Claim and they said we would need proof of his value and prove position in competition.  This immediately worried me as I had taken it slowly and then deliberatey taken him out of competition to focus on training to take him back in at a higher level.  Did this mean my much loved horse wouldn’t be valid as he wasn’t in competition?  This wasn’t how it was sold?

I love Zulu more than any other horse in my life and he loves me back.  He is truly my “once in a lifetime” horse.  I couldn’t really believe this was happening and I certainly didn’t want a Loss of Use claim!  Which is silly I know, but I just loved him too much for it to be over.

Over the next month Zulu made no significant improvement that I could see.  His back legs were always going at odd angles.  When he was wearing a rug he looked like a pantomime horse with front legs facing forward and back legs both facing sideways.  I decided to take his shoes off and get him barefoot, to help with his proprioception of where his feet are.

At the end of May he was taken for re-assessment to which there was no improvement and was then prescribed a course of oral steroids and chiropractic work. He then went to stay at the Chiropractor Donna Blinman, so she could work on him every day to try and free his body up.  I was still so hopeful that she could provide a miracle.  He would be re-assessed again at the end of the course of steroids.

After his stay with Donna and he was looking as good as he ever had I made the decision to get back on. He is a big horse and I knew that without me on board he wouldn’t stay in good enough shape to keep his gangly frame together.  We hacked out, we schooled and we did everything in walk.  I was determined to keep him going.

By now SEIB had pretty much paid up to his limit in both medical and alternative fees with no argument.

His final assessment was on 24 July 2013.  We were halfway through a course with my trainer where he was doing half pass, shoulder-in, travers and the start of pirouette.  Was this really a horse who didn’t know where his feet were?  But he wouldn’t go faster than walk.   I managed to get him to trot for about 5 strides and someone walked around the corner and he walked and refused to trot again.

The verdict was damning.  Further assessment revealed he had actually deteriorated Grade 2 in front and 2/3 behind.  I under no circumstances should ride him.  It was just a matter of time before he went down and there is no way that will end well under 18hh.  They advised this was Loss of Use.  When I explained to them how I had been doing half pass the day before, they just advised it was an absolute testament to our relationship that he totally trusted me to place his feet. But he had to concentrate the entire time.  So if anything distracted him and he lost concentration, this would be dangerous.  He had been protecting me by going no faster than walk. My heart broke again at the clarity of why he would only walk with me on board, to protect me.  I took him back to my trainer and I wanted to ride, much to her protest.  I got on, but for the first time he was reluctant to go to the mounting block.  We did all our dressage moves in walk.  By chance it’s all on video.  Very calm peaceful and beautiful.  I have not sat on him again.

SEIB were practical through this entire process to be honest and never disputed a claim.  Once the Loss of Use claim went through the one lady who dealt with me was really good and sympathetic.  Everyone told me they would argue the loss of use and I guess if it wasn’t so dangerous me to get on and maybe if it had only affected one thing, say jumping it may have been different?  They didn’t argue the Loss of Use, although there was mention of their vets having a look.  But Rossdales examinations had been pretty extensive and this wasn’t done.  Within a month he had been Freeze marked with the L and the money paid out.

Its now nearly a year later.  I have never sat on Zulu again.  I tried once again in about the September and he would not go near the mounting block.  I had to listen to what he was saying.  He is still 10 years old and totally cut off in his prime.  Initially, it was very tough to watch him lose muscle.  But doesn’t seem to miss what I assume was the pressure of me being on board.

To cut an immensely long story short a 4yo Dutch Sport horse came and found me a month later (much earlier than I needed or wanted).  As much as I wanted to give up, I wasn’t ready to retire.  She is his exact opposite normal size, grey and a mare.  She has enough confidence and love for all of us and totally ignored my tears.  Zulu adores her and the herd is very happy with the new addition.  Thankfully I have my horses at home and whilst I cant really afford an extra one, its not the end of the world.  Zulu’s money paid for her and despite saying for the last few years that I would not insure a horse again, but put money into an account.  SEIB paid out full veterinary and alternative to try and get him right.  They then paid 100% of his purchase value (minus -£250 as a field companion, which was originally 10% of his value at £950.  My argument – who would by an 18hh Warmblood who eats appox. £50 a week in food + drugs as a field companion!).  They agreed within minutes.

Therefore, she is fully insured again and with LOU which now max is 75%

My advise to anyone.  Be honest with them. My wishes…. More photos’s of competitions etc instead of thinking there will be years ahead to buy these.  Even taking emotion out of this, I think they would need this as proof if the horse were no longer viable for a certain discipline.  For example, if I had show jumped him to 140cm and he could no longer do this.  What proof would there be that he did this?  Would they pay out if I had done this for pleasure with trainers or only viable if he had been affiliated BSJA?  This isn’t really mentioned when you take the policy out.  My advice.  Live everyday with your horse as if its your last"