Live in the moment

For years I’ve beaten myself up… about many things… but an awful lot about not riding enough. 

Questioning my commitment and even if I want to really ride. Knowing full well that if I rode more consistently than just a hack on a Saturday and Sunday, it would all improve. More so in recent years, with my massive confidence issues exacerbated by Eagers constant medical issues.  But for about the last 6 months and frequent visits from Rob Jackson she has been about as good as it gets… without constant work. 

I’ve known this. Yet despite this I have kid myself that the two hacks at the weekend and if I’m totally honest once a week in the school (sometimes not even ridden) is enough.. Actually I’ve always known this isn’t enough. I was kidding no one… least of all myself.

So I got made redundant nearly two months ago. After 31 years of constant work, I am for a while.. Free (that’s another story entirely)  For the first month not a lot really changed. Getting up slightly later  at just gone 6. Giving the horses breakfast and nebulising Eager. Then turning them out again. Riding (rarely) at about 6pm, which whilst earlier than my old working routine. Late nonetheless. I think a lot of this has to do with routine and nobody liking change. But also a little bit about being scared to change. What if I get another job soon and have to change back again? It will be such a shock to us all again.

But, something changed a couple of  weeks ago. Not sure what entirely. But a few people saying ‘bet you’re enjoying the time off and riding loads’ to which the answer was ‘yes, I think so and no not really’ seemed to me like I was wasting time here…  So, I changed.  I now get up at just gone 6. Give them breakfast and a leaf of hay and shut the stable doors… with them in it. Nebulise, go and do some bits inside then, come out and ride!!! Roughly, all by about 10am.  I have ridden nearly everyday for about 3 weeks.  Probably in a week,  about 4 days schooling and 2 hacking.

No day spent procrastinating, or getting tired, or coming up with excuses not to ride. Just eating breakfast, putting boots on and riding. Just like that! It’s easy. In fact it’s really easy and funnily enough already after only two weeks. Stuff is changing in both Eager and myself. So much so that I’m now thinking shit… I’m going to have to go back to work. I love this!

But the meaning of this blog is getting lost. Basically, having a full time stressful job. That involved 3-4 hours travelling a day and then looking after 4 horses with no help and riding one is BLOODY hard! A few people have questioned how I did it.  But, I’ve never really acknowledged it. After all it’s the way it had to be and sadly, the way it will probably need to be again. 

But it’s tough.  There is no pleasure in riding at 7pm at night in the cold and dark on a spooky opinionated mare . Or at 7pm on a perfect summers evening having had an awful day at work.  You are tired, possibly not in a good frame of mind to ride and just want to sit down with a glass of wine.

I know people do it. People far more disciplined than myself. I know people do it, who also have children and jobs… but to what cost? Some people will give up everything else in their lives to get in and ride the pony, to compete, to be the best.

I am not that person. I love my horses, I’ve built my entire life around them. But not to the cost of everything else. Life, I feel, should be about balance. It’s about eating the salad with a chocolate cake afterwards, about having the gin & tonic (when I say a… I mean 4) and drinking water all the next day, it’s about going to the gym so you can sit in a restaurant with your friends eating pizza. It’s about living for now but realising there is a future consequence for your actions.

So for now I’m going to really enjoy my riding each morning. I’m going to build on my knowledge about my beautiful mare and hope this will have positive impact on future necessities.  Live in the moment (as they say).

Picture of beautiful Pony at Ashen in April 2019...