One step forward, two back

So I have started a few posts recently.  

The first one being about my 3 day course at Becky's at the beginning of March.  I was expecting great things after the success of February, but it was a little bit of a nothing for me riding wise. I think it failed for a few reasons 1) it was just too close to the February course.  I had a great course and 2 weeks away was just not long enough for me to practise enough (think I had actually ridden 3 times) although saying that Becky said we looked so much better and had  already incorporated what we had learnt really quickly. So day one was great and was looking forward to the next 3 sessions over the next 2 days.... 

Day 2 is where it started to go a little wrong. Eager is an absolute gem and there is no malice in her at all.  But she does have her days when she can be a little skittish and sharp.  Maybe over time I will learn these are the 'lady' times. She looks fine from the outside and manages from the ground pretty much the same, which is great. But you get on and you just know it is going to be interesting. After spooking twice and again coming the closest I have been in a few years to coming off. I started to get nervous. We were trying to do some trot work and all she wanted to do was go up.  Becky was telling me to push her forward, but I just knew if I did that she was going to go up more or forward at a great, great speed and I just wasn't comfortable with that.  So I got off and put her on the lunge line. Where she confirmed my suspicion's and wazzed around at full tilt for 10 minutes with airs above the ground for good measure. Again testament to her, for not doing it with me on board!  I got on, trotted around a couple of times and put her away. The afternoon session we were all in the school together. I went in let her mooch around and put her away again.  Mood was pretty much unchanged from the morning! Now this left me feeling pretty shitty if I'm honest.  It was technically the first time I'd been scared of her and I was cross with myself.

Next day she was back to normal..... But lame.  Turns out she had slight tendon strain (not bloody surprised) so she has been in rest for the last 3 weeks.

So only rode once effectively. I was disappointed but had a great 3 days off with Vicky and Marian staying in the bunk house! Where we ate far to much food and wine and generally behaved like it was adult pony camp and had far too little sleep. Lol

So I got back on board last Sunday and took her out by herself for a hack.  She was great and well behaved.  The clocks went forward as well that day.  So have managed further 2 hacks after work this week and it's only Thursday! Not all have been as successful as the first but we have ridden anyway!

So now I need to remain focused and will start schooling tonight in aim to get her fit enough and make it productive enough at Becky's in 2 weeks time.  Again not ideal timing, but I geared all my time at Becky's this year front half of the year heavy.... I didn't take into account lameness!

Horse & Hound Draft

For some bizarre reason I have been contacted via SEIB for an article in Horse & Hound about Zulu's Loss of Use Claim.

I have been trying to write about Zulu for months now (seriously I have this on going draft that reduces me to tears every time)  Then I had to quickly write about what went wrong....  So here it is before H&H quite rightly cut it down to what they actually asked for LOL

"Zulu is now 10.  I purchased Zulu as a 5 year old from an importer and he was 16.2hh.  He is a branded Holsteiner.  Within 2 years he was 18hh.  He was insured for loss of use from the day of purchase.  I had recently retired my IDx through ringbone at 13 (which was heartbreaking)  and decided it was a good idea.  I had toyed with the idea of cancelling it a few times over the years as it does add a lot to the policy.

I had taken it very slowly with Zulu as he was a big horse and seemed to take a few years to know where his legs were.  We had actually stopped competing for a couple of years as my trainer (Becky Chapman) was taken on as a student by Phillipe Karl and I wanted to go on the journey with her to maintain long term soundness in my horse.  I was becoming very disenchanted by what I was seeing in the dressage world and it wasn’t worth “that much” too me.  I wanted to go back into dressage competition at least at Medium or upwards also show jumping at which he excelled.  Jumping the wings more than I would have liked!  I had originally purchased to event but he jumped just too big and everything was a drama, so we stuck with show jumping and dressage.  He was a huge striding flamboyant horse with a heart of gold.  It took me a good couple of years to learn how to ride the huge stride and to not fall into the trap of holding him back.  He was my once in a lifetime horse that combined talent with a loving nature.

Having not had any reason to call the vet since I had owned him in 4 years.  In January 2013 when he was 9, he suddenly stopped being able to bend his head down to eat food/hay/etc.  He would reach down and shoot straight up again.  The vet came out immediately and whilst he couldn’t see anything obvious he wanted to do X-rays to discount fractures, it was at this point I first phoned SEIB.  He took x-rays at the surgery and could see nothing that apparent e.g. fractures etc.  They recommended chiropractic work and I took him to Donna Blinman in Newmarket who had seen him over the years for tweaks.  She said potentially he had fallen in the field and treated him.  Within days he was eating off the floor and I went back to riding. 

SEIB had paid out for this treatment at the vets and the chiropractic as alternative.  But my renewal had become due in February and they had removed coverage of his entire Spine.  I was fuming!  He was a big horse to discount the entire spine through a neck injury.  I couldn’t see how this was anything but an accident.

During the next couple of months, whilst he seemed to go back into normal work something just wasn’t right. He didn’t feel right behind and was swinging his left hind underneath him.  By March he wouldn’t go any faster than walk with me on board.  This was strange in itself as he could do all lateral work, was showing no signs of lameness and was happily trotting and cantering on the field and on the lunge.  The vet came again and said he thought it was to do with the neck still and suggested he go to Rossdale’s for a scan. 

SEIB covered this all under the original neck claim in January.

He had the great fortune of seeing Sarah Boys-Smith at Rossdale on 16^th April, who was amazing from start to finish.  They initially couldn’t see any lameness when performing lameness tests, but under scintigriphy they found a hotspot by the caudal articular joints in the neck.  They then performed a full neurological examination and found Grade 1 Ataxia in his fore limbs and Grade 1-2 in both hind limbs.  The next day they took further X-rays and discovered Osteoarthritis in C5-C7 of his neck.  The grading didn’t seem too bad, until they told me it was out of 5 this being him unable to get up from the floor.

In basic terms the Osteoarthritis was inside the joint and pressing on his Spinal Cord causing the neurological deficits in all 4 legs.  He didn’t know what he was doing with his legs. Sarah there and then strongly advised that I DO NOT get on him, he could go down at any moment and I was lucky it hadn’t already happened.  I advised he still had Loss of Use insurance and she advised this would be a Loss of Use if no improvement was made.  Rossdales then wanted to medicate the neck joint under ultrasound with corticosteroids to see if it could take the swelling down, but not to be too hopeful.   I took him home to think about it.  I turned him out with the other horses and as he cantered away he lost his back end and fell.  I phoned Rossdale’s and took him back for the steroid injection on 24 April.

I contacted SEIB about the fact this may be a Loss of Use Claim and they said we would need proof of his value and prove position in competition.  This immediately worried me as I had taken it slowly and then deliberatey taken him out of competition to focus on training to take him back in at a higher level.  Did this mean my much loved horse wouldn’t be valid as he wasn’t in competition?  This wasn’t how it was sold?

I love Zulu more than any other horse in my life and he loves me back.  He is truly my “once in a lifetime” horse.  I couldn’t really believe this was happening and I certainly didn’t want a Loss of Use claim!  Which is silly I know, but I just loved him too much for it to be over.

Over the next month Zulu made no significant improvement that I could see.  His back legs were always going at odd angles.  When he was wearing a rug he looked like a pantomime horse with front legs facing forward and back legs both facing sideways.  I decided to take his shoes off and get him barefoot, to help with his proprioception of where his feet are.

At the end of May he was taken for re-assessment to which there was no improvement and was then prescribed a course of oral steroids and chiropractic work. He then went to stay at the Chiropractor Donna Blinman, so she could work on him every day to try and free his body up.  I was still so hopeful that she could provide a miracle.  He would be re-assessed again at the end of the course of steroids.

After his stay with Donna and he was looking as good as he ever had I made the decision to get back on. He is a big horse and I knew that without me on board he wouldn’t stay in good enough shape to keep his gangly frame together.  We hacked out, we schooled and we did everything in walk.  I was determined to keep him going.

By now SEIB had pretty much paid up to his limit in both medical and alternative fees with no argument.

His final assessment was on 24 July 2013.  We were halfway through a course with my trainer where he was doing half pass, shoulder-in, travers and the start of pirouette.  Was this really a horse who didn’t know where his feet were?  But he wouldn’t go faster than walk.   I managed to get him to trot for about 5 strides and someone walked around the corner and he walked and refused to trot again.

The verdict was damning.  Further assessment revealed he had actually deteriorated Grade 2 in front and 2/3 behind.  I under no circumstances should ride him.  It was just a matter of time before he went down and there is no way that will end well under 18hh.  They advised this was Loss of Use.  When I explained to them how I had been doing half pass the day before, they just advised it was an absolute testament to our relationship that he totally trusted me to place his feet. But he had to concentrate the entire time.  So if anything distracted him and he lost concentration, this would be dangerous.  He had been protecting me by going no faster than walk. My heart broke again at the clarity of why he would only walk with me on board, to protect me.  I took him back to my trainer and I wanted to ride, much to her protest.  I got on, but for the first time he was reluctant to go to the mounting block.  We did all our dressage moves in walk.  By chance it’s all on video.  Very calm peaceful and beautiful.  I have not sat on him again.

SEIB were practical through this entire process to be honest and never disputed a claim.  Once the Loss of Use claim went through the one lady who dealt with me was really good and sympathetic.  Everyone told me they would argue the loss of use and I guess if it wasn’t so dangerous me to get on and maybe if it had only affected one thing, say jumping it may have been different?  They didn’t argue the Loss of Use, although there was mention of their vets having a look.  But Rossdales examinations had been pretty extensive and this wasn’t done.  Within a month he had been Freeze marked with the L and the money paid out.

Its now nearly a year later.  I have never sat on Zulu again.  I tried once again in about the September and he would not go near the mounting block.  I had to listen to what he was saying.  He is still 10 years old and totally cut off in his prime.  Initially, it was very tough to watch him lose muscle.  But doesn’t seem to miss what I assume was the pressure of me being on board.

To cut an immensely long story short a 4yo Dutch Sport horse came and found me a month later (much earlier than I needed or wanted).  As much as I wanted to give up, I wasn’t ready to retire.  She is his exact opposite normal size, grey and a mare.  She has enough confidence and love for all of us and totally ignored my tears.  Zulu adores her and the herd is very happy with the new addition.  Thankfully I have my horses at home and whilst I cant really afford an extra one, its not the end of the world.  Zulu’s money paid for her and despite saying for the last few years that I would not insure a horse again, but put money into an account.  SEIB paid out full veterinary and alternative to try and get him right.  They then paid 100% of his purchase value (minus -£250 as a field companion, which was originally 10% of his value at £950.  My argument – who would by an 18hh Warmblood who eats appox. £50 a week in food + drugs as a field companion!).  They agreed within minutes.

Therefore, she is fully insured again and with LOU which now max is 75%

My advise to anyone.  Be honest with them. My wishes…. More photos’s of competitions etc instead of thinking there will be years ahead to buy these.  Even taking emotion out of this, I think they would need this as proof if the horse were no longer viable for a certain discipline.  For example, if I had show jumped him to 140cm and he could no longer do this.  What proof would there be that he did this?  Would they pay out if I had done this for pleasure with trainers or only viable if he had been affiliated BSJA?  This isn’t really mentioned when you take the policy out.  My advice.  Live everyday with your horse as if its your last"

Dreams.....

I wasn't planning this post but I have just received an email for Codham Park Equestrian about jumpcross training.  This time last year I was full of hopes a dreams to try and resume my jumping in some form or another career with Zulu.  This is when I discovered Jumpcross not to far away.

Zulu liked show jumping and I liked cross country so this would be perfect for both of us.  So I booked in on a training course and the competition a week later.... I think this was in March.  Like many things with Zulu, we never got there. Like a death, we are slowly coming round to the year anniversary of the dreadful news.  It took me another few months, Becky (again she crops up) to have a few words with me about the harsh realities and finally Zulu himself to stop letting me on board to finally accept it.  The dream was over.

I have a post in working as it has been for 3 months now about my Zulu story. I start, I get upset and I stop. 

I miss him as he was and even today at lunch with a client I talked about him, how low I got 

last year and where do you go when you get your lifetime dream and it fails.  Because, that is what he was, my childhood dream. My beautiful black stallion and my best friend. He was what I read about in all my teenage books.  My very own Black Beauty.  He is still here and we still love each other just as much. He seeks me out everyday and we always have the together time that independent Conor has never required. 

But, as much as you may not want them to. Dreams can change and move on, they don't have to remain static. It takes effort and willpower, it can be done. 

Let's look at the website and think how much Empress Eager will love it :-)

Ride like PK

So Eager's 3rd weekend at Ashen. I arrived in a mix of guilt and stress about the fact I still haven't really been riding Eager apart from maybe a hack each weekend.  If I've managed to ride once very two weeks since January I've been doing well (not to include the whole of December off).  So have been feeling quite weird and close to tears all week and questioning if I really want to ride at all? Maybe a bit of Zulu grief still coming out.

So after the 10 minute excuse session to Becky and obsession with left side issue.  Just bloody well got on with it!  So the focus was to get Eager to stop gaily flossing about with her head in the air and to get me plugged in.  B said the back of my thigh looked to be popped up and that I was almost levitating above the saddle.  So I focused on sitting on what I would call the back of my seat bones and did the usual 'nothing' with my thigh.  So more of the thigh just being draped around the saddle. I overheard Becky saying that because I am quite high tone and I'm naturally very strong sometimes it is for me doing less that other people need to do more.

The next was Eager's flossing... Lol and generally moving too fast. So I slowed my pelvis down in walk and when it was right, really felt like our pelvis's were connected and we were both doing a sexy walk together. Next her head position and it was about being very firm and clear with her about the poll flexion. Keep the outside elbow locked into the side and raising the inside hand to get the poll flexion.  When she dropped the nose, release.  To me the outside rein felt like it had to be really locked into my side and quite strong and as I felt it, I had a vision that I looked like PK when I had seen him. (Not that I actually looked like him) but a real sense suddenly of the upper body being up and back with a real lightness in the hand.  Well this had the effect! Eager suddenly rounded and seemed to be bouncing along like the mare showing off that she had in the lunge earlier. To finish looking like this :-) 

In the workshop we had a discussion about when we know a horse has learnt something? Becky had done some research and has come to the conclusion that after 5 consistent times in a row, study would show this is learnt behaviour and we can move on,

Next day I got on and seemed to retain my PK'ness with a couple of reminders from B. Really tried to stay sharp with the inside rein lift and be clear that when I do this she is to put her head down and round. Whilst keeping my elbows in and outside one to stay firm.  Eager is funny but was a lot more focused and listening today.  We processed this into trot, where initially she wasn't really liking it at all. But settled down. I was asking through the transitions, but hard for her to maintain and this will be work in progress for when she is able to maintain poll flexion in all gaits.

The next exercise was to try an get her weight onto both shoulders evenly. On the straight side, ask for bend, then bend with poll flexion.  When this is achieved do a small vault and allow to extend the neck back onto the track. A demi-vault.  This is how our session ended with the away in trot.

So...... Be in my left, drap my legs from my hips as if being suspended in a baby bouncer, ride like PK (I think this means with poise) with my elbows IN. Work on poll flexion being consistent from the second I get on.  This means all the time I ride means something, even if only for 10 minutes. Therefore, will be ready to progress for my 3 day course at Becky's next week! WooHoo

I am so pleased with Eager and feeling much less stressed and hard on myself. She progressed so well in just 2 ridden sessions.  All is not over and she is only 4!

What goes on tour......

So I spent 4 days in St Anton.  Which can only be described as ..... Decadent.  We went for David's boss/friend 50th Birthday.  Massively, generous he paid for all our accommodation in the most amazing Mooser Hotel. In total I think there were about 24 of us. To cut a long story short. Within 5 hours of us arriving we were dancing on the tables in the Mooservirt (après bar attached to our hotel)... That is pretty much how it continued.  I have never drunk so much expensive wine, champagne.... and Jaiger Bombs!  Someone described it was like telling a group of 24 people they had 6 months to live! One lunch came to EUR 14,500. Epic! Not the cheapest 4 days of our lives and maybe made a bit of a mockery of David having a go at me 2 days before for spending £80 on a pair of snow/hiking boots. (Especially as they were £160 elsewhere).  Anyway, we will be able to eat for the rest of the year (just about) and it was an amazing way to spend your 50th with fun filled memories for all of us. Thank you Orf and I hope it was worth it xxx

Skiing wise, despite I have never been on a snow holiday and skied less. It was perfect and without doubt one of the most successful for me.  I am a complete coward up mountains, there is no other way to put it! People are usually quite shocked by this, my husband included. But if I'm honest my emotions go from sheer terror to satisfied exhaustion at its best. I had never even been up a mountain until David took me when I was about 30. Where I learnt to snowboard (skiing was not cool). To be honest I was alright, for the first holiday in Tahoe. But, it went downhill from there (ha, ha).  I do totally believe I would have been much more successful if I had had someone to snowboard with. But it's quite a lonely place up the mountain when your not good at something and your on your own. These and David would agree, we're not his finest moments. So eventually after broken ribs I just stopped. 

Then at 40 we were asked to go with a group to Austria.... Orf and Sandra again :-) and I learnt to ski! Wow, how easy is skiing! In the 4 days in ski school I fell over twice (this would be my best 30 minutes snowboarding).  The next year, went to ski school again and had to start all over again. But enjoy the camaraderie that comes with ski school and then go and après with everyone else.  Not ideal but better. Although, if I'm honest it's still not my favourite place to be. 

This year I was determined to progress. So although due to lunches etc I knew we would only ski in the morning, I had to move on with it. In a now or never type way. So I booked a private instructor for my first 3 hours. Joined by the lovely Sam and Ian. Sam an exceptional horsewoman with a heart as big as the moon (for animals anyway) and Ian the fabulous husband of my other friend. Both of which were as nervous as me and in need of some help. This went well and got me up to speed quickly.  Now just for repetition and practise to get the feeling.

Without boring you to death about skiing the same nursery slope for 2 days and my left side issue..... The final day ended in Fraser (Sam's exceptionally patient husband, who also happens to be the most phenomenal skier) along with David (changed man) got Sam and I from the top of the mountain to the hotel! I only had one hissy fit and took my skis off (seriously I have no pride) but as long as I stay in my rhythm I can get down the mountain.  I may add as this is St Anton a notoriously hard mountain where most of the blues are red runs.  I skied a red!
It was exhausting and looking back. I think I loved it.  I certainly wasn't terrified just tired in the end. Turning right is an issue for me and when I get scared my brain freezes (way out of the learning zone) and it must boil down to me not being able to unconsciously put my weight into the left of my body. So as long as I keep turning to reassure myself I can and keep weight left. I can ski!

Now trying to remember all this when I go again next year, is another matter......

True again...

Postural bore!

After my circle lesson with Jonathan last Saturday. I took Eager home rested for 40 minutes and then drove to Becky's for a simulator lesson. (Cramming my day seems such a good in the diary, less when I run around like a nutter to do it) 

Becky has an amazing and very expensive German simulator horse which is so sensitive and picks up all your postural imbalances. Front to back, side to side, hand tension, etc.  I have been on a few times over the years and probably averages out maybe once a year. It was on strider many years ago we discovered my wonky pelvis (it was impossible for me to be level) and Becky introduced me the the most wonderful chiropractor in the world Brian Carter. Thanks to him this is no longer is the case. 

Now due to Eager being young and not so balanced herself, it really has highlighted my weight to the right issue.  I am sure a lot of the reasons she doesn't use her right shoulder is she is trying to counter balance my weight going right all the time by leaning on her left. Also after my sprained sacroiliac I am no sure how much that has done to my pelvis. 

Even knowing is, it was somewhat of a shock to get on him and whilst he wasn't even moving the whole horse was tilting right and it took me a while to figure how to actually get him central. This has never happened before! The next 45 minutes was spent with me working out how to contort the insides of my body to the left.  Initially I thought I had to push my left pelvis down away from my ribs.  But this was really hard work and was creating a lot of tension.  I just couldn't see how it was going to be sustainable. It had to be something else.  Slowly but surely though I was becoming more correct without being aware I was doing anything.  About half way through I decided the correction was to allow my body to do nothing...  Mmmm not sure his was going to be memorable enough to replicate. So by the end with a good correction and no tilting, this is what I decided.

It wasn't a forced movement, it was allowing my left hip to relax.  It wasn't forcing it down it was allowing it to relax down... This could be helped in future by doing fascia release on my backside.  Also to get the same movement in the middle of my body that I had in the right hand side I need to think about being in my left.  I had put myself in the left hand side of my body..  Sounds weird I know. But i just don't live in the left hand side of my body. Good session and massive thanks to striders sensitivity, Becky and Marian standing behind to watch my ballooning sides :-) 

Two days later I was going to see Brian.  I told him all about his and he had a light bulb moment and said he had to release my psoas on the left. To which he did, painfully reminding me of my KMI sessions. Clever man.  Although he also commented that I was a very clever lady for working out what was happening. There are not many. Blaming the company I keep :-)

So all week I have been trying to think left.  My mantra to the beat in RPM is "be left". Sitting on the train I am trying to relax my left hip and be left.  Skiing next week maybe easier if I can think it then.  No wonder I was such a rubbish snowboarder if when I was trying to go left onto my toe edge, my entire body was going right.  It all becomes clear!