I admit it! I'm struggling.

Finding looking after 4 horses really tough at the moment.  What with my back for a month and then food poisoning last weekend.  It's beginning to feel all work and no play.

Here are my moans.....

The rain.

Totally self inflicted hangover Saturday morning, so didn't ride in the morning, thought I would ride early afternoon. To then remember that David was going to see his dad in hospital and I wanted to go with him.  So ended up mucking out and then going to Addenbrook Hospital.  Fine I will ride tomorrow... To then get food poisoning and be ill all day.  Whilst being very poorly on Sunday, I had to muck out, feed, hay etc 4 horses.  I think this is possibly the worst mucking out I have ever done and boy did I struggle... What would actually happen if I couldn't move?   Livery yard seems such a good option! 

The rain.

Hay, they are not eating the farmers hay. To cut a lot story short, despite it looking and smelling amazing they will not eat and after mentioning to a few people the only thing we can come up with is the footpath running through the field. This must contaminate the hay (it hasn't been sprayed or have any nasties).  So they will wolf one bale down and not eat the next.  Literally, will not eat at all. Walk up to, sniff and walk away. Even when hungry. So to solve this I have purchased other farmers small bales to mix with the one they won't eat (I buy in very large bales that last 4 horses a week). At one point I was burning!  This is a pain and takes a lot of time, equally can lead to a lot of wastage in field, which in turn ruins the ground. This morning at 6am I mixed and filled 12 haynets, 2 to put in stables for tonight and 10 to put around yard for during the day to compensate for the limited turnout. As I was then mucking out I watched all horses systematically go up to each haynet, sniff and walk away...  Aghhhh I don't have time for this. Cursing farmer, cursing Sam who helps me for not doing more and generally hating the world! Unaided by simple systems being late with the feed delivery and the horses eating nothing but sugar beet for last 2 days! To which I feel silly guilty....

The rain.

Why the fuck won't it stop raining!! I have 12 acres of land none of which I can use! Its madness.  I walked across the field last night and it is just saturated and most in standing water. Even my most dry field is a quagmire. Thankfully, as well as some cemented area I do have around the yard and the much heap an area the previous owner had used as a road so put loads of hardcore down. But even this is getting bad.  Not aided by the fact hey are out on It all day and because the only time I see daylight is at the weekend, none of the poo or anything gets cleared up, so all getting churned in (back to being annoyed with Sam not doing enough)  Just what I want to do all weekend. 

When I saw Sam on Monday, she asked why the horses haven't been out as the fields shouldn't be too wet, as it hasn't rained much..... It has rained almost solidly for 3 months now, floods are almost a daily occurrence on the news.  Seriously? There is a reason why she mucks out stables for a living I guess (note to self, never give Sam the link to this blog) 

This now means getting to the arena means I get covered in mud and for some strange reason they all stand and poo at the arena gateway. Nice entrance! 

The rain

Also, bless them they got into the arena the other day and obviously had a hoolie. Looked like battle off the Somme.  Fortunately, I have a leveller in there and have been able to level off but because they really churned it and went through to wood chip this hasn't been enough and Eager keeps hitting soft bits and loosing her footing.  So what I need to do is get the roller in there..... Which obviously I can't because wouldn't be able to get through mud (well I could but would take it all into the arena).  Brainwave of waiting for frost so ground is hard.... This happened on Sunday when I was Ill. So despite being ill, out came the quad and leveller (now nearly dying) and then didn't have the strength to move roller to hitch onto quad!  Frost wasted... I went and died a bit more on the sofa for a few hours.  No more cold weather forecast...  Just rain. 

The rain.

The yard actually looks like a pikey yard now.  Just the look I was aiming for with my own yard!  

Are the horses happier than those on a livery yard being in 24/7? Who the hell knows! 

Then, I went to work.  Which is just shit at the moment quite frankly! 

The rain.

Anyway this was yesterday morning. Simple Systems delivering today.  I took an extra 10 mins to fill 6 haynets last night, after riding, before cooking dinner. So less hassle this morning. Also opened gate to field and its up to them if they want to wander around it, but the hay is on the hard standing.  Will, just have a chat with Sam.  She is actually a good girl and has never let me down, even if she can't make it her mum does them for me. So it means the horses were done last month even when Sam had broken arm. So mustn't be mean and never send message during one of my evening hissy fits pre-dinner.

Now about that rain..........

Finally on board...

So finally! I managed to ride Eager last night. As always she was a star when I got on her back.  Still having a few issues with he schooling whip though when lunging first. So thought would try and resolve. Literally all she has to do is see it and shoots off like a bullet out of a gun!  In all fairness, with the limited turnout at the moment it doesn't take much.  But as I watched my nice flat school get churned up again, I thought we needed to try and deal with this.  

It's not that I feel any need to use the whip on Eager, but it helps mainly with direction.  Basically an extension of my arm. Also at some point I am going to need to use it with lateral work as again, an extension of my arm to get the quarters to move over etc. this won't be helped if every time she feels it she shoots forward.  She needs to learn, it doesn't always mean go.

So started just by running the whip over her and as soon as she stopped flinching and moving away I clicked and treated.  She responded so quickly that it really made me feel that I should get a bit better at clicker training.  Whilst I do try to click and reward at the right moment, I certainly dont clicker train. I then thought I would lunge again to discover the whip had actually split in two and not just separated. About time I got my butt on board anyway!  

So on i got... Dodging the craters and holes.  Walk, trot and bending to try and get her to use her right shoulder which again she really doesn't want to do.  So after 20 mins I go off and let her have a roll. She follows me absolutely everywhere, she is such a star but does make me staying in the arena to shut the gate a bit tricky :-) 

Now to keep up the momentum!

Phillipe Karl 17 December 2013

Way back in December I had the opportunity to go and see my Guru's Guru Phillipe Karl.

I'll be honest here. I trust Becky's judgement and generally think what is good for her, is good for me.... Clearly this wouldn't be the case if I disagreed!  But would I have found PK on my own... Probably not.  I just have too much other stuff to do.  Whilst taking credit for finding myself Mark Rashid a few years ago after my argument with Monty Roberts at Towerlands one night (which is another story). Also I know how much work she puts into her training, it is very much a serious job. So i am pretty happy to go in Becky's direction. 

So 3 years ago or there abouts Becky got accepted out of many, many candidates to train with PK for 3/4 years with the goal to be accepted as one of his accredited coaches in the Ecole de legerete. The school of lightness! To help Becky to learn and learn how to teach this, she offered us the opportunity to be her guinea pigs.  So each time she came back from her training with him she re-taught it to us. Hence how PK Back-up came about.

The first couple of years involved both written and practical and I have to say thanks to these notes I have been able to start all over again with Eager without having initially having to go to Becky.  PK methods and view points are you can train pretty much any horse to do any dressage move through methodical training without gadgets or force.  The hairier pony, the better! I am absolutely convinced that his work kept Zulu sound for as long as he was.  The bending/flexions and lateral work certainly unwound his confused body and eventually I would start almost every session doing shoulder in work, which seemed to release something. The last day I rode him, which happened to be at Ashen in July we still managed the usual travers, renvers, shoulder-in, half pass and the start pirouette.  All this on a horse with grade 2/3 ataxia who doesn't know what he is doing with his legs! 

I am not going start explaining PK's work here.  Mainly because I'm not entirely sure I would make a good job of it, but if you want to keep your horse sound for as long as possible I do think this is the way forward. Please go and read his books and watch the videos. 

Everyone has a view point and I guess there are people out there that think Rollkur/hyperflexion is doing their horse good, despite the fact that many top dressage horses have to live with fractured jaws and vertebra. Ever watch Totilas in slow motion, without the music? take away the emotion and what you actually had was weirdly moving, extremely stressed horse.  Trot was rarely two time and he was so over bent the poor horse couldn't even see where he was going (or breath).  Equally, there are times you can watch in awe he was truly amazing.  Funnily enough, he isn't around anymore... he is only 13 now and hasn't been for about 3 years.  I am not surprised and remember when a group of us sat and watched him at the height of his fame and predicted he wouldn't be around for much longer.  No one, man or beast can be forced to move like that under such constriction and not suffer the consequences.  Anyone, who loves horses and can watch Grand Prix dressage without feeling a little uncomfortable about 50-70% of the horses, has been brain washed by the media.  You go through any horse magazine now and you are hard pushed to see a horse that isn't over bent and behind the vertical. It's becoming acceptable viewing, people start to think this is right.  I really have to keep my mouth shut on Facebook about people's beloved horses.  This is not dressage.  Rant over!

Back to watching PK teach his students....

So, after a long drive up to Northampton to the Holistic Equitation Centre we arrived just as the first of his teaching sessions was finishing (it was after all a days holiday and I'm darned if I was going to get up earlier than I do to go to work). So before lunch (which was booked at the local gastro pub type thing) I think I had seen 3 sessions.  Phillipe was much chattier and funny than I had expected, so made viewing in the freezing cold (ski gear on) more bearable. But, I was a little underwhelmed by the riding I had seen and certainly all of us PK Back Up 3 years students of Becky's pretty much would have out ridden all of them... Without exception.  

So off we went to lunch.  Which was lovely, nothing like a suet topped pie and a pint of ale to warm your cockles!  About 7 of us went to lunch, all Becky students and 2 of them had been auditors for the past 3 years with Phillipe.  So although not riding,they had seen all of the ridden sessions and his teachings. Obviously, I stated what I thought with a few more personal comments about one of the riders.  Everyone laughed at my plain speaking... But agreed. 

Back we went watch Becky's session. Now this weeks training with PK for Becky, I knew was a big thing.  Unfortunately, after the last teacher training I think PK, for whatever reason had pushed her to do things she was uncomfortable with.  This had made her question him, herself and in turn had left a few other people, who don't know her better question her.  It was I think, a very pivotal time. What in turn then happened over the next few months compelled Becky to look even further into Filly's well being (vets, dental, diet) and also to make more use of the clicker training she is brilliant at and to make it more fun again for Filly.

Whilst in 'awe' of Becky's teaching skills. I don't think I have ever been in 'awe' of her riding.  She is clearly far better than me! but she is not naturally brilliant.  She has to work at it. I don't think she would be offended by this and it's probably one of the things that makes her a good coach.  Very few naturally good riders would be able to tell you what they do on a horse, let alone tell you how to sort your insides and do it! 

But what I witnessed for the next 45 minutes was probably one of the most beautiful and in tune with your horse pieces of riding I have ever seen.  I have never been so proud. I sat throughout with a big grin on my face. It was simply stunning.   Apart from telling her which move he wanted to see next I think the only thing he wanted corrected was the speed of the walk and I do recall one small error on the right rein canter depart from walk (it may have been left). Which I can tell you is very different from the other riders seen, which was almost constant correction and instruction. Without a shadow of a doubt, the best rider by a long, long way. When she finished, I saw her outside and gave her the biggest hug and told her what I thought, totes emosh for us both. Love you BC, just saying. To the doubters.... Stick that in your pipe! 

Watched one more rider after this, which turned out to be quite good but a little sad. From what I could gather the rider had been having quite a few problems for sometime.  Stating he was the most difficult horse she had ridden. PK then got on.  Sadly, I am not sure of all of the details but the prognosis wasn't brilliant, meaning she probably couldn't complete the training on him.  But Phillipe's riding is amazing, it is a bit like watching a centaur.  So at ease with the horse and relaxed, it's almost as if it didn't matter what he asked of the horse (and he asked some hard questions) the horse just tried its damnedest to give him the answer he wanted... Even if he couldn't. You can just tell if a horse is stressed and whilst pushed he wasn't stressed (unlike some of your top dressage horses).  If I could say what it was.... There is a backness to his upper body, but not leaning back.  All his limbs can act independently, almost like a perfect marionette puppet.  Amazing.

We left shortly after this to make the long drive home.

So what did I gain from this visit.  Firstly, from Phillipe Karl himself.... That all, the things we teach the horse to do, we must do separately and not get the instructions confused e.g. lift the head, then ask for bend.  Not lift and bend as one.  Small but important.
Secondly, how amazingly Becky has interpreted his work to teach us all to the level we are. We are truly blessed to have her as our coach.  There really is no one better.... Just saying :-)

Back!

So my writing career hasn't entirely flourished as I might have hoped. (That being the fact I haven't written for over a month)

It's been a pretty horrible December if I'm honest. For me, I sprained my sacroiliac joint the first week and due to the fact I carried on doing the horses and picking Eager's back leg up at least twice a day everyday to poultice the hole in her foot really didn't help. Finally the week before Christmas, despite my brilliant chiropractors best efforts he told me if I carried on.... I would prolapse my disc.  This I really didn't want.  Also, the pain got even too much for me to bear so I even went to the doctors (gasp) who quite happily gave me 100 Tramadol and 40 Diazepam, happy Christmas to me :-) so I stopped! I put the putty in the hole in Eager's foot and spent two days in a Tramadol/Diazepam haze.... Not awful if I'm honest... But the Tramadol do have rather nasty side effects, really bad headache and nausea. So the day before Christmas Eve I went to Brian (the chiro) and he unlocked my back for about the 3rd time in 10 days and I spent the rest of the week just using the diazepam to keep the muscles relaxed which would appear to be working :-) 

Back pain is something I don't think a lot people (mainly those who have never had it bad) get.  I'm sure they consider you to just be a little uncomfortable, maybe a bit like the muscle strain you get when digging over the garden.  Also, I guess it maybe used by a few people as a bit of an excuse sometimes.  Trust me it isn't for me! 

i do have a weak sacroiliac and have previously had one really bad incident about 3 years ago, where it was so bad that I would literally just hit the deck if i moved wrong. Thankfully this only ever happened at home. Lol. I've never looked into why my sacro is so bad, probably not helped by the riding, which puts a great strain on the pelvis, especially for women's which is shaped differently to a mans. I did get told in my teens by a doctor that I would suffer a lot as it was so long and the vertebra further apart than most people's....  Not sure how this is so important though as I am 5'9 and my husband who is 6'4 has no issues at all. Unfortunately, everything to do with the horses is so physical and I have exceptionally strong back muscles.  So if I get any problem, my muscles are so strong when they spasm they stop the spine from moving, this is turn traps the discs causing inflammation and it locks... This hurts a lot.  Add to this that this happens in my sacroiliac which is where your spine joins your pelvis.  So my hips hurt, my walking gets affected and also it's next to the sciatic nerve which occasionally reminds you it's there and not only makes your legs and feet a bit numb, but also hurts a lot! I can only feel such sympathy for people in constant pain, it's horrible and really grinds you down.  Your not consciously miserable, I was just trying to do stuff.   But was aware that the first day I took the Tramadol, David commented that I was smiling and he suddenly was in a much better mood. 

Which led me to another question...  How my moods affect my husbands so much.  It's not nice really.  Thanks to the NLP I rarely get depressed or 'down' anymore but if I do.  David literally loses the plot with me, starts being quite grumpy and distant, which in turn upsets me even more.  I guess only he can answer and now the time has gone I can be a bit more objective about it and think its probably because he feels so helpless. But at the time it just feels to me I am up shit creek without a paddle and he is just looking at me from the side with a frown on his face going about his daily business. Weird, but sometimes I just can't be on my A game all of the time. Although, saying that.... I'm not entirely sure what the alternative is. LOL

People and livery yards

Bit of a random post this, but as seems to be he way they come a bit out of leftfield.

I don't know what it is about horse owners, that generally make us exceptionally opinionated. But, we are.  Maybe its that we feel so passionate about our horses, that if we find something that works for us, we want everyone to know that and share.  I am being generous here....

Unfortunately, I am really bad at being told what to do.  I could go into the physcology of it but basically, I'm a stubborn control freak,.  Thankfully, I like to think I am an intelligent person and I like to do my own research about pretty much everything I do.  Equally, there are a couple of people out there who's experience and research means I dont do my own (literally I can count these people on one hand)  Hence why being on a livery yard is my idea of hell!

Livery yards are an interesting place and were never ideal for me. Looking back now there are a few factors that make them very irritating.  Mainly, the people....

1) I have no interest in your opinion, unless I actually ask for it.

2) I work hard, when I get down the yard at 630pm what I want to do is spend valuable time with my horse to unwind me.  Not listen to someone gossip about someone gossiping about me, winding me up. 

3). I'm hypoglycaemic, the chances are when I get down the yard, I havent eaten since lunchtime. This doesn't make me the most tolerant or receptive of people. Funnily enough I could not eat all day and the horses will never annoy me! 

4) When it peeing down with rain apparently you can't just let your horse out to wander round the yard all day instead of being stuck in its stable 24/7 for 6 months. 

5) Actual livery where people look after your horses as if they were their own.... Or maybe they did which is a scary thought?

6) All year turnout was essential for me and my horse. 

7) How is it so many people can spend all day down there generally telling everyone else where they are going wrong.  Shouldn't they have jobs? How the hell do they afford it? 

What livery yards need (in my opinion) is strict rules.  The happiest I have been on a yard is a small very strict one, but you knew where you stood.  I was on full livery and had all year turnout, it worked brilliantly for me.  Also there were onto 3 other people on it who had long gone by the time I got there. 

Unhappiest I have been is on a massive yard, were gossip was rife. It drove me nuts and made me so unhappy.  Funnily enough though I think this is where Conor was at his happiest. Also, the owner although lovely wasn't very strict. So some people got to do somethings, others got to do other things all dependent on who was flavour of the month. Which was obviously, never going to be me as I was at work all day.

What they are good for is giving you the incentive to do something with your horse.  You kind of go along on their energy.  I would certainly never have evented Conor (nor would anyone in their right mind) if it hadn't been for the fact lots of people on the yard were doing the MK3DE.  I would never have gone.  On this note I was also the only only person who ended up going! I remember noting this irony as I loaded him to leave for MIlton Keynes in 2006.

It does take a certain amount of willpower to stay focused to compete when you are at home, with no one else loading up looking smart. This may be partly the reason I haven't for a few years.

Also, livery yards are not always for people who think outside the box.  

When Conor wouldn't load apparently the thing to do was send him to the Irish Horse Dealers..... Really? Is this actually what you would do with your own? I think probably not! After 4 years ( yes it took that long) for me to acknowledge that I couldn't, the yard owner couldn't, intelligent horsemanship couldn't. I phoned Richard Maxwell who for approx. £400 (yes you can imagine the comments about that) got Conor loading within an hour and he never not loaded again!  The best £400 I spent in my entire life. Infact, when I got Zulu and he also decided he wasn't going to get in a tin can again, I phoned Richard without even blinking.  No point in having an 8k horse and not be able to do anything with him? Make it 8.4k and the world is your oyster! 

When I purchased my Barrie Swain Holistic Treeless saddle.... Dear lord anyone would think I had just told everyone on the yard the way to ride was to sit backwards and pull on the tail. It won't last, it was a waste of money, they are not tested enough... Blah blah.  It fitted big shouldered Conor perfectly (the reason I tried it, as everything else was so restricting). Yes, you do have ride your arse off in it, there is no protection from the horses back, i can feel everything.  The saddle is now 6 years old, it looks the same as it I'd the day I purchased it and it has fitted all 3 horses from 18hh to 16hh perfectly without being adjusted and they have never had any back problems from an ill fitting saddle. I bet they can't say the same about their stubben's!

When Becky started training with the genius that is Phillipe Karl (and then passed on to me).  I cant see that their comments would have been "What an interesting man, I've read his book and his comments about how dressage as it stands is breaking horses. I'll be really interested to see how his training methods work out and the reasoning behind it" it would have been.... "have you seen Nicola riding around with her hands in the air, what does she think she is doing". 

I can't even comprehend what they would say about me looking to compete Eager barefoot...... Lol

Eager poorly foot

So since our great weekend at Beckys 10 days ago I haven't even sat on Eager's back! Which is typical.  I think and hope its just an abcess on her back foot. Being the back foot it's not always apparent she is lame. If I poultice it seems to get better and then within a day of stopping it gets worse.  Now in normal circumstances I would have already phoned my farrier to have a look and drain.  But as she is barefoot  I decided to phone the brilliant barefoot trimmer as to what to do as I had heard he didn't make a hole, but let I find its own exit.  So after waiting for him he said he thinks it is an abcess and to poultice, but the reason he doesn't drain is because he isn't allowed to... Only a UK qualified farrier is allowed to.  He is qualified in Spain but not England. 

So currently feeling a bit disenchanted and wishing I had just phoned my farrier in the first place and I wouldn't have wasted this time. Anyway doing as I am told.... Tonight. Think I will phone farrier tomorrow. 

This is the way of it :-( 

My other life as....

Funnily enough and contradicting what most people may think (generally those I work with) I do not farm, look after horses and cats full time.  I also work in an Investment Bank. Boooo I hear you say. All I can say is, if only I had the bonus's people think you have! For the record I haven't had a bonus for some years now. Equally, I accept I am not that bad off either, but trust me every penny I earn is accounted for and unfortunately also more that I don't earn. (My credit card debts have been legendary for some years now)

It wasn't a career choice, infact I don't really remember thinking about work at all.  I am afraid I did fall into the category of pretty much living in the moment.  Work was all about money for going out, drinking and generally having fun (I had given up horses by this time). I assumed I would be married by 30 with children. Again, something I didn't really think about... it was just going to happen! I was a Thatcher child, I lived in Essex, getting a job was something that happened, didn't really require too much thought!

So whilst having far too much fun at school, generally being incredibly social and misbehaving (in a good way by today's standards). I decided I was going to be a hairdresser, despite my maths teacher going apoplectic when I told her this (even if I do say myself, I was bloody good at maths) I got a job at Vidal Sassoon in London. Looking back now, despite thinking I wasnt that interested.  I was very determined to get into Sassoon's and wouldn't have gone into hairdressing at all if it meant working in a local salon!  The best or nothing really, so out of about 200 applicants I was one of the 15 juniors picked for that tranche (trust me they go through a few).  To cut a long story short I had a great time at Sassoons for about 18 months because as well as working in the salon you also got to go to the London College of Fashion one day a week.  It was a blast, very intense and I was quite good (its a good mix of technical and artistic) but fuck!!!  it was dull.  The people who worked at Sassoon live, breathe and eat hair.  Seriously....  there are more important things in life!  So shortly before qualifying I left!

There are many things in between...  I left to become a stylist, then changed to model (I was thin) and got accepted at LCF for that (best feature - hands LOL) but thankfully a friend who was a very successful model talked me out of that, worked at a fashion house ordering and calculating quantities of buttons, fabric etc to get designs into production (this was owned by an Iraqui who suddenly dissapeared, so did the company.  2 weeks later the 1st Iraq war broke out), business travel agent (to find the day I got made redundant my dad was a director), mortgage administrator (office of 50 people, 48 were woman LOL, that was fun NOT), Lloyds Stockbrokers (best job for 9 years, all through my 20's and had a great time for the best boss and great people), then finally into the Equities Floor of Investment Banking at 28. 

I have worked at only 2 more companies since that first job on the floor. i cant say that I took my job that seriously up until about 3 years ago.  It's taken me a while to work out what my talents are and to utalise them in the correct way.  It is exceptionally easy for me to coast along very efficiently in the eyes of others on about 20% brain power.  It takes a good boss and a lot of pressure to get me up to about 70% and then i am unstoppable.  Previously having worked for a great boss, who has turned into an even better friend. I switched and my new boss had massive faith in me and gave me huge responsibility. Its probably at this point i acknowledged I had a career and not just a job. Ironically, I then got my old boss back and it was a win, win! Confidence, responsibility and I had a great time. 

My current title is Head of Middle Office and Settlements, also I am Company Secretary (more by luck than judgement).  This means that at the age of 41, having left school at 16 with very ineffective GCSE's (although I did get 9 of them. Didn't bother turning up for 1 as it was sunny and I couldn't be arsed) to be a hairdresser. I am sitting on the Board of an Investment Bank. 

How the fuck did that happen?