Eagerly Home

Eager has been home now for 2 weeks tomorrow. Timing wise we cut her Rockley stay 2 weeks short.  Mainly, because it was Christmas and it really made sense to have her home when I could get riding without too much difficulty and also because she was pretty much ready.

From Nics blogs you can tell that Eager arrived at Rockley with feet most horses would be envious of leaving with, so I didn't feel too bad letting her leave early.

Here is her last Rockley post:

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/why-its-not-about-trim-eagers-final.html

Picking her up turned out to be a logistical nightmare for many reasons, which seem quite trivial now.  I had decided to do the journey in a day and thought this seemed viable as long as I had someone to drive one leg of the journey.  Because,as much as I love Eager not even I could drive for 12 hours on my own.  Also, as well it gets quite expensive.  Not only do you pay for diesal but also you then need to pay for accomodation and the whole journey ends up to be about £300.  Which 3 days before Ćhristmas is not ideal. Anyway, Dad came to the rescue :-)  Bless him, he was only supposed to be over for a week (this got extended for other reasons) and he was taking a day out to come and get Eager with me. 

We left at 330am.  Dad drove the journey there and despite on this leg being horse free, it was a slog.  Dark, raining with a 5 junction diversion on the M4.  We arrived about 30 mins later than anticipated again 930am.  Nic was in good form and we had the whole thing turned around in an hour and I drove out the gates at 1030am.  Eager ate the entire way home and I drove in daylight and sunshine, we arrived at 4pm.

The others seem pleased to have her back and touch wood, so far so good.  I have worked out that I'll be able to ride her 3 times a week until the clocks go forward.  Nic said this is fine as long as any changes are done slowly.  Starting at 45 minute hacks.  I have to say she has been an absolute star since she got home and seems to have done a big of growing up.  Not fazed by anything and being a 'thoroughly good egg' 

The 3 times is not ideal and should really be more, but there's is not much I can do about this really.  I told Nic about my set up with the hay on the concrete yard and the road planing track I've put down and she said this is great and will do a lot of the work for me.  I'll explain about this in my next post.

But mainly, she is home and I'm riding and I'm happy 😀

Great links... (especially for Lisa M)

I've had this is the background for a while and keep meaning to add to it.

Here are some very informative articles about Feet (horses)  I warn you.... you do end up reading about 10 articles later.

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/hooves-from-veterinary-perspective.html
http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/science-catching-up-with-feet.html

Sound

I am so, so behind on my writing!

So... 4 weeks ago I drive to Rockley with the fabulous Marian to keep me company.  I love my husband dearly, but I have to say there was a lot more conversation with Marian!!

We arrived Sunday morning where Eager rushed to the front of the stall and whinnied with delight at seeing me :-)  No, this is what happened in my head.  What she actually did, was look at me slightly suspiciously and carried on eating her haylage.

Marian proceeded to ask all of the questions that I needed to ask and don't....  I have to say Nic was a bit bristly to start.  I think she had a pretty bad week, I know her dog had died.  But it was a bit weird and not entirely necessary.  There was a tense moment when Marian asked if Eager was 'Sound' to which we got a 2 minute dialogue as to what did sound actually mean and it was all subjective.....  I thought it was a fairly inoffensive question when you are paying £180 a week to get your horse using its foot correctly.... to enable it to become.... urm sound.  But, I think we decided to let bygones be bygones on that.  It improved after that and I think Nic actually ended up giving Marian some pretty sound (excuse the pun) advise on what to try next with Archie's footyness.  I think we have to accept that some people are just not made for the people business and that is why she deals with horses.  I have no problem with that!!!

What was very clear was the difference in her hoof.  Both the texture and the angle.  Here is the link she posted just after I went http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/eagers-6-week-update.html
I again asked what is it that creates such a dramatic change.  Again the answer diet, surfaces and movement.  I have come to the conclusion there is no rocket science to it.  I don't believe Nic is being evasive or trying to protect her business.  It is just really just this simple.... Saying that I'm sure there is some Rockley magic (Nic's huge experience) involved.

After all that, still feeling no more enlightened about Rockley than I did 8 weeks ago.  I got on!!!

Off we toddled up the road and back.  She started a bit tottery but her stride soon opened up and she felt much more her usual old self.  I occasionally asked her to work a bit and she seemed to remember how, but found it quite difficult.  Nic commented they normally just ride on the buckle.  Which was great to hear to be honest.  I didn't really want anyone messing with her schooling. 

(yes, I am the one with the purple tit)

I then took her in the school and asked her to so a few circuits in trot.  She was very, very lazy and it was hard work.  But she ended up feeling pretty good and definitely SOUND.... In my opinion LOL.

But God it was hard work!!  LOL for us both.

I came away feeling a little numb if I'm honest.  But looking back now, I have such faith in Nic and Rockley.  It never occurred to me that it wouldn't work.  So, me riding her and her being better was no surprise.

It again is very clear what needs to happen when she gets home. Hacking on the buckle and then hacking work.  Then schooling will start hopefully in about April.

The last month

Tomorrow, I go to see my 'little miss muffit' (said in Cheryl Cole voice).

She has now been at Rockley 6 weeks and is in full ridden work and I can ride.  Very exciting and a little nervous.  I haven't ridden for 5 months now.  I think this is the longest I have ridden for in about 13 years.  So, I fully expect to be a little sore on Monday!

I am also a little worried where my hat, gloves, boots etc are.... and do they still fit?

Lots of people have been asking me if I'm looking forward to riding again?  If I am really honest I am not 100% sure.  Life has been so easy looking after the other 3 and not riding.  I have been able to catch up on lots of jobs and each week I have set myself a task.

2 weeks ago.   The cat climbing frame.

and last week I tidied up the arena and decided to put the poles in a convenient place

Both of which I think I am quite proud of.  I assume there is only so much DIY you can do?

The best news also is that when she comes home in January, I have arranged with work a 4 day week.  Spending, each Wednesday riding!

I'll post hopefully with pictures after the weekend.

Eager's 3 week update

I am amazed and very proud of my little girl :-)

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/eagers-update.html

Especially with the changes in foot lateral balance from pictures 3 to 4. 

Support group?

When Eager was first diagnosed with Navicular I searched on Facebook (among many, many other places) for any information I could find.  I found two closed membership forums and I can't really remember finding anything that useful on them that I didn't find elsewhere but, I think it's nice to have a bit of support.  

Rockley have their own support forum.  Strictly for people who have had their horses at Rockley.  Which is great, because there is a lot of negativity out there!

A post last week on one of them happened to ask if there were any Ex Rockley rehabs out there.  I said, I was.  The lady in question was in the US and as she couldn't get to Rockley.  She wanted as much info as possible.  I PM'd her, just giving a brief description of Eager and pretty the rest being what is on Nic's blogs.  Anyway, we got a bit of dialogue going which is not something I would normally do with a complete stranger.  But, I really felt for her and she really believes in what Rockley do but doesn't have a similar place in the US.  It again made me thankful that Rockley is in relative terms,on my doorstep.

Now, the lady in question happened to mention in a further post that one of the trimmers she used to use made her horse sore every time.  She had then changed trimmers and the horse hadn't been sore since.  Pretty innocuous post to be honest.  Not a statement of blame, just a statement of fact.  Whereupon, a trimmer (I so gather) left what can only amount a 500 word rant about how dare she blame trimmers, blah, blah, they do their best in a bad world.... along those lines.  Not content with one post, she then continued to start again in another.

Now......  I took a little exception to this.  As not at any point did my American friend say anything derogatory about anyone, just made a very small comment that one trimmer made her horse lame and the next one didn't....  So, not wanting to really start a row.  I tried to defend my new found friend, whilst also trying to defuse the situation and make a statement I totally stand by.

 

As you can see.  That went really well for me. LOL

I do admit, maybe my NEVER was a little aggressive and understand this could annoy. I then found out this woman was the administrator of the forum and I couldn't really see how this was going to end well.  So, to avoid me getting into a silly online row, where clearly things would be taken out of context (by one person).  I deleted my membership.  So I can't tell you where this conversation went as I can't see anymore!  

I now realise this is a bit of a shame.  As I have spoken to my American friend and she stays on it to try and learn as much as she can about Rockley.  I just can't see how what the nutty trimmer has said is in anyway supportive.  It wasn't a trimmers support group (which she clearly needs amongst other things) it was about navicular? So technically, all the other people out there who can't afford of aren't able to send there horses to Rockley, lose a source of information on how horses are successfully rehabbed.

Situations and actions do create reactions. The fact of the matter is that Eager's weakness in her foot was exacerbated by my farrier leaving the toe too long on the foot.  Yes, I take responsibility for this as I looked at her feet for a couple of months thinking it didn't look right.  I don't really even blame the farrier.  He did what he did with best intentions and how was he/me to know that she had something going on in her foot that means they need to be kept perfectly? With most other horses if may have made no difference.  None of us are perfect, all we can do is the best we can with the information we have been given.  But we do have the choice to look for it.

Eager landing heel first in just 2 weeks!

It's now been 2 weeks since I took Eager B to Rockley and she has had her first Rockley blog entry

Http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/eagerly-awaited.html
 

And I have just had an email from Nic this morning telling me she is being a good girl and has settled really well..... Also that she is consistently and clearly already landing heel first with every stride. Wow!  In two weeks! I am over the moon :-) 

So she will now be worked on more challenging surfaces.  As she is now landing heel first and using her foot correctly I can only assume the inflammation in the foot will start to go down and the pain should diminish. 

Over the last week or so I have acknowledged in my head that there is no doubt in my mind she will come sound. So I am already looking forward to next year and the work involved to build a solid base of work for Eager to continue with her soundness.  This will be mainly based on hacking and building muscle and fitness. As I recently put in an email to Becky 'like in the olden days'.  

Sitting here on the train I have a big smile on my face.  All is becoming clearer to me what I should do.

Also, it has now made me doubly annoyed with the insurance company for not paying out.  Not just for me, but all of those people who do not have the money to pay for this treatment.  Because, it is a lot of money. I am now formulating in my mind a letter to the head of SEIB and the insurance ombudsman.  It absolutely needs to be done! 

Eager the 'Rockley' dude.

So I started typing this in the car park at Rockley.

The journey took us 6 hours, including about 30 minutes of stoppage time.  Eager travelled like a dream.  Barely leaving a moment without munching on her hay. Which made it very stress free for me and David. This is also aided by the fact I could see her munching on her hay on the camera in Jacqui and Andy's fabulous little lorry.  I really couldn't have done it in the Landy!  The last bit of the journey being the most stressful around the windy roads.  But this literally was the last 30 mins.

 

So I've just been told she settled in amazingly well last night. Bless her cotton socks. She has always been such an easy horse to have and be around, it would appear other horses think so too.  I hope this doesn't change.

I have just walked around the tracks with her and she seems fine, maybe a bit perplexed but not unhappy.

 

Nic's taken all of her photos and has said there is a lot to like about her feet.  Just the media lateral twist that would be the problem. She thinks she'll progress really quickly.  Which is great.

So that's it!  She's here.  I am very excited to see the blogs about her progress.

Huge massive thanks to Jacqui and Andy for lending me their horse box. It made the journey a pleasure for all concerned and obviously saved me some much needed pennies. 

Thank you Marian for being one of the only people in the last few weeks to make me feel better about myself and having the balls to tell me I was doing the right thing (even if it was just to make me feel better)

Also, a big thank you to David for supporting me on the long drive up there and staying at Faulty Towers.  Taking over driving on the way home, when I finally crashed and burned (not literally) and lastly but certainly not least, covering the cost of Rockley because the insurance company wont.

Miss you already Miss Eager B. X

Rockley T+5

Approximately, 11 weeks ago after Eager was showing very intermittent lameness.  She was to my shock at 5 years old and barefoot, diagnosed with Navicular Syndrome.  Told almost there and then the prognosis wasn't brilliant, but maybe able to do light work and possibly a bit of dressage after remedial shoeing.  Not in line with buying an eventer! 

Approx. £3.5k, 2 visits from my vet, 1 visit to Rossdales, 1 X-ray, 1 MRI scan, steroid and huyaloric acid injections, a tildren drip and a few differences of opinion later I am finally 5 days away from my trip to Rockley with Eager (which is where I decided she was going the day I was told the diagnosis) She is still shoeless!

In those few weeks I have remained mainly positive, because my dreams for her are still very much alive (if a little extended). I no longer feel ridiculously unlucky.  Infact, I feel fortunate.  Yes, I had already had two horses diagnosed in their prime to retire.  But, they are still with me and I was fortunate enough to have the money (just) and the space to get Eager.  I am aware and reconciled to the fact she, for the foreseeable future will be my final horse.  But they are all still with me and will spend the rest of their lives with me, in as much comfort as I can offer.  I have not had to make any decisions because I can only afford to keep one on a livery yard or equally have had to give up when Conor retired in 2007. I have had 3 good attempts and learnt so much in that time.  I still carry on learning everyday.  I simply cannot imagine a life without Conor, Zulu, Eager and even Bess. I don't regret a moment.

I have taken advantage of the recent time off and tried to do a combination of house stuff, yard and relaxing :-)  A small glimpse of what normal people do.  I even went to IKEA yesterday and this morning  made and waxed a table! 

Becky sent her dates out for next year, last week and I literally do not know what to do.  I am a little fed up with planning.  I have spent the last few years planning my riding a year in advance... And I'll be honest it hasn't really worked for me.  What I will actually need to do is just get on and ride! Whenever and wherever I can! If I am lucky.......

So, I have had a few blips in the last couple of days because last chance saloon is a week away.  Its easy to function when a dream is still very much attainable.  I very fleetingly allow myself to question what I will do if it doesn't work? But it's so fleeting I don't have an answer.  I'll cross that bridge if and when the route means I have too.  But preferably, I'll jump that river on a cross country course :-)

I remain to live by my motto "you only regret the things you don't do".

Sometimes, I feel its just me

Struggling to fight my corner for Eager to go to Rockley has actually been quite hard and I can totally understand why people do as they are told.  Especially if you are not as confident as I am that I'm doing the right thing.  Even 10 years ago, I may have done what I was told.....  Mmmm well you never know :-)

Equally, I have questioned whether I have just been pig headed.  Am I one of those women that just argues, when in reality I don't have a clue.  I know I like to play devils advocate in a lot of situations.... Sometimes I just can't he help myself.  I just like to see both sides of the coin before I make a decision. Although, I guess if one side of the coin looks particularly attractive you are going to do what you can to make it land up every time. That may even involve sticking blue tack over the less favourable side (I have no idea if this would work, but you get what I mean)

I suppose it may be reasonably easy to trawl the internet to find people that agree with you.  I have tried to be as objective as I can and have even tried to google navicular and prognosis trying to be 'pro shoeing' and I'll be honest while there are good stories.  There are not too many and they appear to be short lived success.  But you try and google navicular on a forum and it not end up with Rockley being the success route.  You'll be very, very hard pushed.

So why, do barefoot people get such a bad name?  and in my opinion, its a few things.. 

Firstly, I think a lot of people do it badly and unsuccessfully.  They don't research, they just take their horses shoes off. Proclaim to be barefoot and carry on as normal....  They don't condition the foot.  When I took Zulus shoes off I hand walked up the road, everyday for a month. By week two he was crippled and I was wondering what the hell I had done.  By week four he was completely sound on the road and walking across stoney fields! Another thing is diet, which I won't go into now but can be crucial.  But thankfully is pretty much what I was feeding anyway. The next is a brilliant trimmer or now I realise lots of hacking (over 10 miles a week) to keep the foot functioning correctly and by all accounts they self trim.

Secondly, people who go barefoot successfully have generally really looked into the whys and wherefore of what they are doing and apply the above diet, trim, lifestyle (of the horse, not the owner!).  We totally understand (or try too) it's how the foot should function and how it hopefully should lead our horses to live a longer sounder life. If you have applied a lot of research into something and it resonates within you, it becomes part of your belief system. This makes people passionate!

Thirdly, from the day we start riding, researching, loving, training to be a vet, farrier, etc,etc we invariabley see a horse with a shoe on.  No one even thinks of a horse without a shoe on.  Its ingrained in us.  Hearing a horse clip clop up the road still inspires the urge in me to run to the window and have a look. Having read a post of Nics recently there is even a photo in a veterinary book of a hoof cut in half so you can see inside.  It still has the shoe attached!  They aren't born with them on! She mentions barefoot is not even covered in the prospectus of a vet?  It's just what happens.  You're on a yard people you do what everyone else does.  You put shoes on every 5/6 weeks.  How many people, question why you would put a rigid metal on a living flexible thing?

Anyway, I can't even remember why I started writing this post now.....  I'm sure I've digressed.

But, what I must mention is that clearly there are many horses that last for years with shoes on, with no ill effects.  If it isn't broke, why fix it?  Maybe these are the horses with perfect conformation?

I also know one person who in her heart is totally barefoot, but for medical reasons (laminitis) her horse has shoes on and this is how she has incredibly successfully managed a near impossible situation for years.  I also know she gets very upset about our passion and feels she is being ostracized .  This is so not the case, your amazing and you've done an amazing job. 

I for the record do not consider myself pro-barefoot.  I am pro your horse moving as soundly and as ethically as possible.  For some this may mean shoes, for others it doesn't.  I'm pro people doing the best they possibly can with the information they have available.

I think for this reason, vets are not going to easily (aha I've remembered my point of this post) recommend barefoot therapy for caudal heel/foot/navicular/DDFT (the list could become long) problems.  Because, quite simply a majority of horse owners will not be prepared/have the education or have inclination to change THEIR lifestyle in exchange for their horses for the rest of its life. 

But, what they haven't taken into account is that some people do and will.  They don't know the circle of amazing people I have the pleasure of knowing and sharing my horse journey with. :-)  I am truly blessed.

 

MRI Scanaroo

So.... the MRI was last Friday!

Since then I have spoken to Rossdales twice.

Eager was her usual chilled amazing self.  Travelling well and seemed pretty unfazed by arriving at Rossdales Equine hospital.  Maybe helped by me being unfazed as well, being about my 6th visit there over the years. Well, I say unfazed.... Until they led us both to stable no.1 which was Zulu's stable for our last visit there for his final prognosis. The emotion and the feelings of how I felt last time I stood in the stable sobbing into his neck, hit me like a train. Thankfully, I am not in the slightest bit superstitious. So I got over it.

We then met Matthew who was the assistant of the person I was supposed to see Sarah Powell. Who was apparently at a conference in Canada.  After my initial, bugger that's not good.  I decided that I was only here for diagnostics so it didn't really matter.

Matthew then asked me to talk him through what had happened (as the vets hadn't yet sent anything) so I did.....  I told him about Rockley etc.  To which there was only a reaction of that Sarah was aware of Rockley and the work they were doing. I could feel I wasn't having too much effect on him with what I was saying until I said that from what I could gather shoeing etc was only putting a sticking plaster over the wound and wasn't really solving the problem.  I didn't care if she wasn't sound in the next few months, what I wanted was long term soundness that would last us years.  If this meant I couldn't ride or do what I wanted this was fine, if it meant I would be doing what I wanted in 5 years time.  Finally I got a reaction and i think he then realised the sort of person I was. He then commented that I was then very different to most of he people who went to Rossdales.  Thinking about this now, what a sad state of affairs.  Horses another example of I throw away society.

So off I went with Marian to Cambridge for the day whilst Eager B had both of her feet scanned.  

At 4pm I picked her up and took her home.  Unfortunately, Matthew had to deal with an emergency and would call me later.

So he phoned about 6.30 and I then phoned back again on the Monday to clarify a few things.  It basically equates to this.

Firstly, the damage on her navicular didn't look nearly a bad as it had on her x-ray.  Which is good news. There are no holes in the DDFT or damage to the collateral ligaments.  

There isn't really a main problem.  But the is a lot of inflammation around the coffin joint and the elongated navicular bone is putting pressure on the impar ligament and the sesmodian collateral ligament. 

It is a confirmation thing.  Her feet just aren't perfect enough.  I haven't done anything wrong.  It's not due to bad trimming, unshod feet, bad management, over work, under work or bad management. It would have always happened. 

He said Sarah agreed with sending her to Rockley as a good therapy. Also, look into IRAP therapy which would be injected through the DDFT and navicular bursa into the coffin joint. This would work as a more natural anti inflammatory than steroids.  Anyway, I did some research on this over the weekend and whilst I don't disagree with it I wasn't too keen on keep injecting into such a risky place.  The whole thing became irrelevant on the Monday though as he said I needed to do one or the other, not both.  Either send her to Rockley or do the IRAP and put her in shoes in a stable for 3 months.  Lol he said he already knew my answer to that.  Unfortunately, he did backtrack on saying they would recommend Rockley as a treatment for me (to help with insurance) apparently they can't be seen to favour a specific alternative therapy in case it got out on a forum etc.... Well here it is on a blog. 

So, there it is.  Not as bad as we thought was the overall prognosis and Matthew couldnt see after treatment that she shouldn't go back to normal athletic work. :-)

Also, I must say a huge massive thank you to Marian for offering and coming to support me.  Totally unexpected and meant a huge, huge amount to me.  It's not very often I get an offer of help emotionally.  The down side of being capable and strong is that everyone ACTUALLY thinks you are...... 

How to sell the dream?

Eager is booked in to have her MRI scan this Friday.  I was quite chilled about this until I actually read the letter and it advised that remedial farriery would be done on site before the horse goes horse (if required).....  here we go again.....

I will again have to explain why I want my horse to be barefoot, why I think its best and why I want her to remain barefoot and go to Rockley.  All in a lovely way that doesn't sound like I'm telling them what to do! and I anticipate there will be much shaking of head and disagreement with my reasons.

Its so tricky as these vets clearly know what they are doing and I cant imagine they take too kindly, after I have taken my horse there for diagnosis that I then tell them what I am going to do about it.  Because, obviously as banking management I know far more than them.  Which couldn't be further from the truth!

I may be lucky and they may surprise me...

But, I remember when I told the vet last year that I was taking Zulu's shoes off to help his with the proprioception of where is back feet were.  The vet disagreed with me and said it wouldn't help at all.  How could it not help????  I still totally disagree with her! and she was lovely....

I did ask for the same vet and they said they would of complied if it wasn't for the fact she was still on maternity leave :-) and :-( for me.

So, I need to be at my most diplomatic.  Which means I will need to have eaten before I get there (first and foremost).  I need to ask them to try not to openly disagree with me on the analysis unless of course it is something totally different.  Otherwise, I assume the insurance company are going to totally get the 'ump with me for going against advise.

There is a tiny part of me that thinks 'sod it' maybe I should just go with what they are saying.  Maybe she will come slightly sounder (for a while) with shoes?  maybe I will get Loss Of Use and then I'll send her to Rockley with the money?  But, I just cant!  I am now so convinced this is the best long term solution and I'm afraid that I cant help but think the sooner we get this sorted, the more chance we have of long term soundness? or am I just being pig headed?

The rehab reunion

On Saturday.  After Nic inviting me, I drove for 3 hours to the Boomerang Equestrian facility to gate crash the Rockley Rehab Reunion RRR.  It had been a camp Thur-Sun for any previous Rockley clients.  It was an open day on the Saturday for people to go along and ask questions, etc, etc.

I was taking this opportunity to find inspiring stories!  I didn't get to talk to as many people as would have liked.  But, the two people who I did talk to are both now eventing and were great.  Again all were shocked when I said Eager was already barefoot.  It made me quite hopeful that her rehab may go a bit quicker due to the fact her feet are already conditioned to go barefoot unlike probably 95% of other people that go.

I did ask if it hadn't worked for people and the answer is yes.  But mainly if they have something else wrong too and if they do not follow Nic's instructions.  Again, I guess most people are having to change so many things diet, management and riding. Whereas, having had all of my horses barefoot now for sometime.  I may have already addressed some of these factors.  But, LOL we will see.

My main concern is the amount of on going roadwork/hacking I am going to have to do afterwards.  Pretty much everyone has reiterated the more work the better and all seem to do at least 10 miles a week.  Whilst I am sure this is achievable.  It will be tough for me.  Especially, as at the moment as she wont really hack alone.  She is going to have to woman up a bit!  Also in the winter it is all going to need to be done at the weekend.  This is two lengthy hacks each day of about 8km.  This is a good 3-4 hours riding!

But the main thing is, it has worked for other horses and they are all out doing the stuff I want to do!

Great quote ..... Although I do finds some exaggeration a quite amusing

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” José Micard Teixeira, 

MRI here we come

Patrick (vet) finally phoned me back this afternoon (in all fairness he has been on holiday) and was on his was to lunch in the City.  I explained the videoing, Nic's response, the Insurance company etc, etc.

He was again, great.  He was annoyed with the insurance company for being so pedantic about his wording (which will hopefully make him think a bit more in the future) and said "good for you" when I mentioned that I told them if they weren't going to pay for Rockley then I wanted an MRI.  But he said, he was going to say lets do an MRI anyway.  He didn't really comment on the walking better downhill than uphill.  So I'm still not really sure what/if anything that means.  He did ask what Rockley thought about the videos and I just said Nic thought they were very helpful and interesting.

So the outcome.... he is going to write a report requesting an MRI scan on Monday and phone Rossdales to get her booked in before October.  So I guess about another 7-10 days away.

Here we go again.....  God, how I hate that drive to Newmarket.

Techno Contemplative...

For the past few weeks a few things have been troubling me.  Firstly and possibly most importantly is I'm finding my ability to concentrate is getting harder.

I no longer appear to be able to just watch the TV. I now have to watch the TV and do something on my I-pad.  I think it started when something that David wanted to watch and I didn't.  Which is fair enough, I think....  But it seems to have progressed to even when I am watching something I want to watch.  I don't seem to be able to just watch it.  It would appear I need to watch it and add things to my sainsburys shopping list, look at Facebook and play 5 rounds of candycrush.  May I take this opportunity to mention that I watch tv for approx an hour a day.  Not always my choice but it's what we do. 

I have worked in London for 26 years.  I have commuted on a train for give and take nearly 2 hours every day of those 26 years.  I dont even want to calculate how much of my life this has taken up! But for approx. 24 of those years I have read a book.  It massively helps! The books changed to a kindle, which is a truly amazing device.  It meant, because I have a 3G one, that if I finish a book half way through one of my trips into London.  I can within about 2 minutes have gone into the kindle shop and buy another one and be reading it. Therefore, changing those odd 20 minutes to a few days (if I grieve the finish of a book) of sitting on the train and being alone with my thoughts or maybe listening to some music.

Now reading is a joy for me and very easy.  It also means I have carried on learning for years and years.... Sometimes good stuff and sometimes just trash LOL

Then came the ipad!  Now I love my ipad.  Again it's 3g.  To avoid taking kindle and ipad to work I just used the ipad. I have a kindle app! But something weird has happened recently.  I no longer seem to be able to read.  I think it started when I had a really busy/stressful time time at work a couple of years ago and for obvious reasons I couldn't switch off and concentrate on a book.  So I added games, Facebook etc.  Which meant I could add stimulation but not actually have to think.  Then the box set of Breaking Bad happened at the beginning of this year and I've never looked back. 

I'm on holiday at the moment and have deliberately not taken my ipad out in the day (apart from today as writing my blog doesn't count) and I have again found the joy of reading and realising I can just read a book.  Without thinking... Oh I can't concentrate after reading 2 pages then googling something, then checking Facebook and playing 5 rounds of candycrush. I have read 3 large books in 6 days :-) 

Why can I not just be anymore.. Which does make me question, do I not want to think anymore? I have mentioned in a post recently that I have questioned my life in a way I haven't since my 20's.   Also, have recently criticised people about their constant analysis of their lives and their personalities.  Thinking that I am content and sorted mentally.  Or have I just been avoiding any thinking and blotting it out with other things....  Food for thought and will I allow myself to eat?

Mmmmm

So I have been away in France for a week.  Which was truly amazing.  I do need to write about this is another post.

Whilst I was away.  The vet had written a fairly wafty report to Rockley to which he copied in the insurance company.  The insurance company have pretty much advised they wont pay for Rockley as it doesn't come under any of their approved treatments.  I have spoken to them today though and mentioned that it was fairly short sighted of them as Rockley has an 85% success rate.... and Eager has Loss of Use.   She said they could right to the underwriters requesting it....Mmmmm thought you might LOL.

So the vet report read as below:

Anyway, because the vet wrote she was only showing signs of intermittent lameness.  Nic at Rockley then contacted me saying could I get some footage of her being lame.  I told her this wouldn't be hard as to me, on a circle.  You couldn't get much lamer!

So as soon as I got home.  Vikki came round to video.  When I noticed she was no where near as sound as she was before I went away.  Very short striding on the road but noticeably much happier going down hill rather than up.  Which I thought was a bit weird.  She also trotted up very short.  We then did the circle video.....  just awful.  Far from intermittent lameness.

Nic has responded saying its very interesting and very useful .  So mission accomplished.

I have phoned the vet and I am waiting for him to get back to me.  It is now clear to me she needs an MRI scan.  There is no point in me paying out for Rockley if its something that will never get better. 

As you can see..... not feeling as hopeful as I once was!

The waiting game

Last Wednesday, Antonio came out again to trim Eager's back feet and just check how it was going.  I have been doing as I've been told and walking her out each evening on the road in straight lines.  She was pretty tottery up until pretty much the walk I did before Antonio turned up and she seemed to be walking much better.  So I was pretty pleased. Antonio, then watched her move and still thought she looked quite bad.... ohh.  He trimmed the back feet and also took some more off the side of her left foot to help with the lateral twist.

I had sent the vet the Rockley Vets report and asked him to look at it.  Not having much hope.  But he replied, very quickly saying he could and it sounded a good thing.  It certainly wouldn't do any harm.  Which isn't really what I was expecting! So I was again relieved.

Patrick (vet) came to look at her on the Friday morning and said she actually looked a lot better than she did.  I said she was looking like she did before she went to the vet LOL.  But still not good around corners.  We had a conversation about Rockley and what they did and we both agreed I could probably do it at home if I didn't work and had all the time in the world!  Again we had another conversation about an MRI scan and he seemed to think it wasn't worth doing until after Rockley.  He was happy to refer me to Rockley as there is so much unknown about Navicular and all horses are different.

So I contacted Nic at Rockley and she is pencilled in to go at the beginning of October :-)  Nic has been great so far and has sent me a few bits and also invited me to the Rockley Rehab reunion in September so I can speak to people and see what they are doing.

I have already spoken to Diane (Nic put me in touch) whose horse like mine has always been barefoot and was diagnosed really young at 31/2.  She wasn't particularly pro barefoot but didn't agree with the vets suggestion of putting her still growing youngster in shoes!  So then sent her to Rockley after about 1.5 years of her being lame. She has since been sound, but does have to keep her in a lot of work approx., 10miles of hacking a week.  Which maybe a bit tricky.

So far, so good I guess.  The only fly in the ointment is I don't think SEIB will pay out from what I can see on Facebook Forums.  At £180 pw for 12 weeks.  Rockley is not to be sneezed at.

Eager has loss of use and from a financial perspective its quite an incentive to leave her as she is and make them pay out the LOU and then send her to Rockley.  But how can I do that?  I can't really afford to pay, but I do have access to the money.  I have to give her the best chance.

I go out on a limb

After trekking all the way to Newmarket, which seemed forever!  I cant believe I used to do this journey so frequently with Zulu.  Eager and Donna Blinman finally met.

She found an issue with her right knee. There was a small bone at the front of the knee not moving and also a bone at the back which had pushed the tendon to one side.  Thankfully all sorted, but she did think had caused slight heel imbalance on the right.  She could find nothing on the left leg (which is the one that has bad Navicular changes).

The sacroiliac was stuck and would not be allowing her to use her back end properly.  Putting all the weight into the forehand.  Now it is unstuck, so hopefully she will now be able to take her weight off her front feet.  She advised she would be sore for a few days.

The only comment Donna really made was about how small her feet were for her size. She was certainly moving a lot better after the bodywork.  But to be honest she only looked to be moving bad since she came back from the vet!  I am assuming this is the injections. She said she wouldn't really need to see her for another 6 months. 

We then took off home to be met by Antonio. After much conversation, he pretty much reiterated what I had been reading on the Rockley website.  Therefore, was fully prepared when he said we need to get the heel down and not up as the vet wanted!  So I had to make the decision much there and then.  To go with the vet or against. Now, had I not been reading medical research this week about this, maybe I would not be have been so quick to tell Antonio to do it.  His final words were you need to think of the long term.  So the heel came down.... Maybe the vet won't notice?

Her feet already looked much better from Geoff taking the toe off. 

Antonio's advise was to walk her out on the road each day, starting at 10 minutes and getting progressively longer each day.  This would keep the collateral ligament straight and strengthen it.  She definitely has a medial imbalance when she walks.  Landing at the moment toe first (which she didn't used to) but mainly inside of the foot first and then to the outside.

So I walked her out yesterday up the road in a dually halter with treats and she was a very good girl.  I have to say looking great. :-) 

Before Antonio had trimmed.  So just the toe off.  Wish I had a photo before.  I am ashamed to say pretty grim.

Interesting, because for me the left heel looks better than the right

After Antonio has trimmed down

All I need is a plan.

So. Into the pits and out the otherside.  I knew I would, feeling sorry for myself is not a therapy that really works for me.  Having a plan is! This tends to drive other people mad, they sometimes find it difficult to comprehend the speed with which I can go at and the fact I totally expect them to keep up.

But... It helps me and as this is my blog, so it goes at my speed (I have to say the blog writing is helping)  Anyway Eager has been fine in herself, but far lamer than she was a week ago! Due to large needles being stuck in her joints I guess.  After me stalking out to the stables a few times Thursday night to ensure she didn't have colic (tildren side effect) She has been her usual poppit self.

Rockley Farm, I have been following a for a long time on Facebook.  I'm not entirely sure how how it came on my radar.  I think from meeting Wiola at Hippikos a few years ago, I know she and Pauline had Kingsley there for a time.  Anyway, Nic Baker writes some very interesting articles.  What I didn't realise is that she is and specialises in Navicluar (let's call it's this) rehabilitation.  So, before Eager was even home on Thursday I had phoned her and left a message (I think not too hysterical).

The up shot of this is she phoned back on Friday, sent me an explanation sheet and we have exchanged a few emails and has given me the contact of a lady whose horse was there earlier in the year.  A mare also 5 who had never been shod.  I look forward to talking to her soon. She recommended I wait a couple of weeks to see how we go.  But after that and the vets agreement she is more than happy to take her for Rehab.  

With regards to Nic, I haven't been able to find (not that I've looked) a single deflammatory post about her.  It is so refreshing that with the blogs and her quick responses she obviously just wants to help horses.  It's not just about the making money. The vet report sheet is encouraging.  She has an 85% success rate. 85%! That's good enough odds for me and almost the reverse of conventional methods (from what I can gather) and not just field sound.  Back to hunting, jumping and eventing sound. 

So I wait like a cat on a hot tin roof for 2 weeks to see what happens. 

So Geoff farrier came on Friday night and took the toe off her feet.  (should have taken a picture before) he also said that she shouldn't have wedge shoes as her foot is upright enough and it would put her knee's out.  Also commented he was very surprised as she just didn't have Navicular feet....

I am off to Donna Blinman on Monday, having purchased two RX Therapy boots with thick pads to make her journey more comfy. I find it amazing this appointment was booked a few weeks ago when I had an inkling there was something not quite right.   But there was no rush. I left a message with Donna on weds and bless her, she emailed back Friday to say she had already requested the notes from my vet.  Lol that will please them! So it will be good to have her view and also to see if the imbalance is further up. (Which I am sure it is) 

Then I get home from there on Monday and Antonio is coming to look at her feet. 

She stayed in the box until yesterday (Saturday) and thankfully just sauntered out of the box yesterday evening.  Leading the boys to the back field, taking it as always in her stride.  She just trust me, I know she does. I won't let her down. 

Anyway, what about that for a plan! 

The day I question everything.....

Last night I lay in bed and for the first time probably since my 20's.  I questioned everything in my life. Everything I have done for 15 years. The work , the house, the no children, the money I've spent, the tears I've shed.  Absolutely everything.  If all it amounts to is this........

I have been amazingly remiss at writing, again thinking I had all of the time in the world. The training with Juliet every week has been going well jumping.  Also I have been on a couple more courses at Becky's. The last being most notable when we got her working beautifully.... But there was something not quite right.  I have been having these niggaling feelings that she hasn't been quite sound.  But the moments have been fleeting and then she is fine.  I accuse myself of being paranoid. 

But at Becky's 3 weeks ago we have the unsound steps in trot on video.  Thankfully, I had the physio out the next day and we worked on her shoulders and she gave me an exercise to do. But if she is not sound in a week, to call the vet.  I had her feet checked.  They were fine, no tenderness.  A week later she isn't sound, so I call the vet.

I tell myself it can be any number of things.  People get lame horses all of the time and they are fine. This doesn't have to be anything terminal.  Conor retired at 13 and Zulu at 10, I couldn't possibly be that unlucky.  It will be fine. Maybe it's a tendon, maybe it's a bit of shoulder tension.  Maybe they won't find anything and the appointment I made months ago with Donna Blinman this coming Monday will just sort it all out.  It will be fine.

So she spends a week off and I go to Nice for the weekend, which was amazing. I return Monday and on Tuesday I take her to Blaircourt for her lameness assessment with Patrick.  Bless her I left her in the box and her little face as I drove off watching me.  I suddenly realised the reality.

No phone call that night, but Patrick left me a message on Wednesday morning to tell me she was lame in all gaits on a straight line and on the lunge.  They nerve blocked the left foot and she became sound on the left, but lame on the right.  Conclusion, she has a bilateral foot lameness. Tomorrow he was going to nerve block the coffin joints and X-ray the feet. 

He phoned the next day at midday. He had nerve blocked the coffin on the left and it took 8 mins to become sound.  He said this was far too long for it to be the coffin joints, by 8 minutes it would be in the navicular. So he has x-rayed and it isn't good.  She has terrible wear on the navicular bone that shouldn't be on a 5 year old. I questioned what, as although Navicular strikes the fear of god into every equestrian I know this isn't a problem in its own right, it isn't a disease as it was once classed, its a symptom. 

It can be a few things.  The main one is caused by excessive wear and unevenness on the collateral ligaments that run down each side and attach to the navicular bone.  If this is excessive it can cause the ligament to pull off fragments of bone.  He is worried that he can see this, but isn't quite sure. It's something she would need to have an MRI scan for.  The irony that it's mainly on shod horses and research suggest that going barefoot can then help.... She has only ever been barefoot. 

He showed me lots of pictures and models, whilst I understand it I can't remember all he said now. But it's mainly to do with for imbalance.  I am cursing my farrier and myself for not using Antonio. Patrick said not to be hard on myself, this kind of damage isn't done in a few months. 

Navicular Syndrome as it is now called is not the death sentence it used to be. We may have caught it in time.

I discussed that maybe we should go for an MRI and he said we could, but the treatment would be the same.  So lets treat and if she isn't sound in 6 weeks, we will send for a scan.

So yesterday, she was injected with steroids and hyaluronic acid into both her coffin joint and navicular bursars.  She then had a drip of Tildren which is a bone growth inhibitor and is known to be amazing for navicular problems. He also wanted to put her in wedge shoes, which so far I cannot see the benefit of, so we have agreed to disagree on this.  He is for the moment going along with getting my trimmer to get the toe off and balance her foot. I am not totally anti shoe, but he is certainly anti barefoot!  I just don't get how it helps? I just don't. I do understand the foot needs to be totally balanced and the toe shorter, I don't get how shoes help this more than a good trim if she isn't foot sore?

I've read good stories, especially at Rockley Farm about horses becoming sound after being written off by vets. Rockley getting them barefoot....  But she is barefoot already, I hope it's just a balancing thing? Because otherwise it leaves me nowhere to go.....

But last night all I could think of is the reality... The good stories are few and far between.  Even if she is sound? Is it right to jump? So my last dream of eventing is dead. I am within a year back to riding a horse which I am constantly worried about.  If she comes sound at all?

I can't look after or afford anymore more horses.  She is so lovely, I dont think I can so ruthless as to get rid of her.  Will I have 4 retired horses that potentially can live for another 25 years?

So what has it all been for? The dreams of flying. The sacrifice, the tears, the pain and the heartache. Because at the moment.... I just don't know. I am 42, what on earth do I do now? What am I if I'm not riding? It has become my whole life. I fear at the moment for my liver, my marriage and my sanity. 

And we are off.....

I met my new jump trainer Juliet Cottey yesterday and had our first jumping lesson with Eager B. Despite the fact she was half asleep (Eager not Juliet), I believe it was a resounding success.  Nothing too complicated, nothing over jumped.  Everything done in Eager style :-)

Juliet was great, she asked me a about a few things I was doing, raising my hand etc.  She wasn't critical just curious.  So I think we have our new jump trainer! 

She loved Eager (let's face it... who doesn't) and was highly complementary of her balance and rhythmic paces (lol these are not an accident) and could see why I am thinking of getting back eventing. Although she agreed 7 years out is a long time and may be tricky.  Let's see how we go. Certainly the lack of over jumping everything, unlike the big man makes me feel very much at ease. :-)

Next lesson is booked for the 13 May and I am hoping to have them at least every two weeks.  Having received quite a bit of cash for my birthday, I have stuck it in a pot to pay her with.  This should hopefully see me through the summer!  When for obvious reasons it will have to go to weekends only.

Birthday

I used to find myself feeling a bit miserable on my birthday. But today I am alone (not all day) lying on a waterbed in a spa in Mallorca.  Having had a lovely massage and a huge breakfast! Feeling reflective, but not unhappy.  This, I think is the thing, it's quite an obvious anniversary to look at the years events and to become nostalgic, happy or sad.  But I have decided to use this moment to and set goals for the future and it would appear, document!

Yesterday I had the absolute pleasure of having a lesson with and hanging out with Mallorcan show jumping champion and general athlete Emelie Marsh.  I don't know Emelie at all, but the timing of us coming out to Mallorca seems to coincide with Emellie having a major incident and the reason we are here is because David is cycling with her husband Dan. So a couple of years ago we came out just after Emelie's tragic fall from a horse that was to have a huge impact on the rest of her life. Please read her blog, from the beginning.  It's a true read of someone's determination and open mindedness overcoming adversity! www.emeliemarsh.com

Having read this you will understand I was possibly a little nervous to meet her! But, that was completely wasted as from the minute we met I don't think either of us stopped talking and all preconceptions gone! I was pleased to see she was driving, walking, talking and riding with apparent ease and had I not been reading the blog over the last year or so, I would have not suspected anything had happened in the last couple of years. 

I then had the pleasure of riding Laala (I think) who is the horse she won the Mallorca championship on.  I will be honest I was nervous, of course.  I was 41 and 364 days old about to get on a beautiful, fit exceptionally athletic mare of 600kg!  But, I had a thoroughly good time and Emelie did well with me (I wish she was about in England) getting me to concentrate on my riding and not the poles on the ground. She made me feel/realise I can ride and when she asked me to ride a tight circle in canter like I was doing a pirouette, I knew exactly what to do and executed it first time. I came away with a good feeling of what I need Eager to feel like and today I am in pain! My stomach muscles and bum are killing me! I literally rode my arse off! It's a real pity I forgot to ask her to take some photos. 

So goals I need to focus on are Eager's jumping and I want to be eventing next year.  I have already set the ball rolling....  To get to eventing I need to have jumping experience, repetition and trust under my belt. I need to know she will jump anything I point her at. 

Jumping is much easier said than done when you are home alone.  But Emelie reminded me yesterday about canter poles and it doesn't really matter of they move or get kicked about. Also last week I found someone who is willing to come to me after work and teach. So if we get on, hopefully I can get this going in the summer at least to every 2 weeks.  Apart from that I need to get David back in training to put jumps up! 

To also set my goal I have booked a lesson with John Bowen at brook farm, which will be in the big scary arena with hopefully small inviting jumps. This is at the end of May. I have 1 month!  Also by the end of June, I need to have competed in a dressage comp. 

Documented! 

It's times like these

That horses are just great!

The horses are living out and have been for a couple of weeks now.  Still supplying vast quantities of hay, but oh my god life is so much easier! The horses are happy. I feel less guilty and to top it off riding has been good.

I hacked with Vicky and Marian at the weekend which was lovely although almost didn't happen because I had forgotten my bridle. Who would have thought we would manage to cobble together a bridle for a 16.2 horse from two people that own ponies :-) I will take this opportunity to mention when I got home I found a neue schule bit in the grooming box......  (Clearing throat) 

Which incidentally I switched her to last night. I have been using a curved snaffle that I had found in my tack room from my collection when she arrived. But she does have times when she throws her head around a bit and stops to rub her nose on her legs a lot.  I thought was a stress thing but I have thought about trying another bit.  So after I found it I thought would give a go.  I have no idea what it is but could have been a starter big with a lozenge.  Anyway, she seemed much happier and no head rubbing at all!

For the last couple of schooling sessions has gone like a dream and have found myself suddenly wanting to ride again :-)  so looking forward to Becky's next week. 

One step forward, two back

So I have started a few posts recently.  

The first one being about my 3 day course at Becky's at the beginning of March.  I was expecting great things after the success of February, but it was a little bit of a nothing for me riding wise. I think it failed for a few reasons 1) it was just too close to the February course.  I had a great course and 2 weeks away was just not long enough for me to practise enough (think I had actually ridden 3 times) although saying that Becky said we looked so much better and had  already incorporated what we had learnt really quickly. So day one was great and was looking forward to the next 3 sessions over the next 2 days.... 

Day 2 is where it started to go a little wrong. Eager is an absolute gem and there is no malice in her at all.  But she does have her days when she can be a little skittish and sharp.  Maybe over time I will learn these are the 'lady' times. She looks fine from the outside and manages from the ground pretty much the same, which is great. But you get on and you just know it is going to be interesting. After spooking twice and again coming the closest I have been in a few years to coming off. I started to get nervous. We were trying to do some trot work and all she wanted to do was go up.  Becky was telling me to push her forward, but I just knew if I did that she was going to go up more or forward at a great, great speed and I just wasn't comfortable with that.  So I got off and put her on the lunge line. Where she confirmed my suspicion's and wazzed around at full tilt for 10 minutes with airs above the ground for good measure. Again testament to her, for not doing it with me on board!  I got on, trotted around a couple of times and put her away. The afternoon session we were all in the school together. I went in let her mooch around and put her away again.  Mood was pretty much unchanged from the morning! Now this left me feeling pretty shitty if I'm honest.  It was technically the first time I'd been scared of her and I was cross with myself.

Next day she was back to normal..... But lame.  Turns out she had slight tendon strain (not bloody surprised) so she has been in rest for the last 3 weeks.

So only rode once effectively. I was disappointed but had a great 3 days off with Vicky and Marian staying in the bunk house! Where we ate far to much food and wine and generally behaved like it was adult pony camp and had far too little sleep. Lol

So I got back on board last Sunday and took her out by herself for a hack.  She was great and well behaved.  The clocks went forward as well that day.  So have managed further 2 hacks after work this week and it's only Thursday! Not all have been as successful as the first but we have ridden anyway!

So now I need to remain focused and will start schooling tonight in aim to get her fit enough and make it productive enough at Becky's in 2 weeks time.  Again not ideal timing, but I geared all my time at Becky's this year front half of the year heavy.... I didn't take into account lameness!

Horse & Hound Draft

For some bizarre reason I have been contacted via SEIB for an article in Horse & Hound about Zulu's Loss of Use Claim.

I have been trying to write about Zulu for months now (seriously I have this on going draft that reduces me to tears every time)  Then I had to quickly write about what went wrong....  So here it is before H&H quite rightly cut it down to what they actually asked for LOL

"Zulu is now 10.  I purchased Zulu as a 5 year old from an importer and he was 16.2hh.  He is a branded Holsteiner.  Within 2 years he was 18hh.  He was insured for loss of use from the day of purchase.  I had recently retired my IDx through ringbone at 13 (which was heartbreaking)  and decided it was a good idea.  I had toyed with the idea of cancelling it a few times over the years as it does add a lot to the policy.

I had taken it very slowly with Zulu as he was a big horse and seemed to take a few years to know where his legs were.  We had actually stopped competing for a couple of years as my trainer (Becky Chapman) was taken on as a student by Phillipe Karl and I wanted to go on the journey with her to maintain long term soundness in my horse.  I was becoming very disenchanted by what I was seeing in the dressage world and it wasn’t worth “that much” too me.  I wanted to go back into dressage competition at least at Medium or upwards also show jumping at which he excelled.  Jumping the wings more than I would have liked!  I had originally purchased to event but he jumped just too big and everything was a drama, so we stuck with show jumping and dressage.  He was a huge striding flamboyant horse with a heart of gold.  It took me a good couple of years to learn how to ride the huge stride and to not fall into the trap of holding him back.  He was my once in a lifetime horse that combined talent with a loving nature.

Having not had any reason to call the vet since I had owned him in 4 years.  In January 2013 when he was 9, he suddenly stopped being able to bend his head down to eat food/hay/etc.  He would reach down and shoot straight up again.  The vet came out immediately and whilst he couldn’t see anything obvious he wanted to do X-rays to discount fractures, it was at this point I first phoned SEIB.  He took x-rays at the surgery and could see nothing that apparent e.g. fractures etc.  They recommended chiropractic work and I took him to Donna Blinman in Newmarket who had seen him over the years for tweaks.  She said potentially he had fallen in the field and treated him.  Within days he was eating off the floor and I went back to riding. 

SEIB had paid out for this treatment at the vets and the chiropractic as alternative.  But my renewal had become due in February and they had removed coverage of his entire Spine.  I was fuming!  He was a big horse to discount the entire spine through a neck injury.  I couldn’t see how this was anything but an accident.

During the next couple of months, whilst he seemed to go back into normal work something just wasn’t right. He didn’t feel right behind and was swinging his left hind underneath him.  By March he wouldn’t go any faster than walk with me on board.  This was strange in itself as he could do all lateral work, was showing no signs of lameness and was happily trotting and cantering on the field and on the lunge.  The vet came again and said he thought it was to do with the neck still and suggested he go to Rossdale’s for a scan. 

SEIB covered this all under the original neck claim in January.

He had the great fortune of seeing Sarah Boys-Smith at Rossdale on 16^th April, who was amazing from start to finish.  They initially couldn’t see any lameness when performing lameness tests, but under scintigriphy they found a hotspot by the caudal articular joints in the neck.  They then performed a full neurological examination and found Grade 1 Ataxia in his fore limbs and Grade 1-2 in both hind limbs.  The next day they took further X-rays and discovered Osteoarthritis in C5-C7 of his neck.  The grading didn’t seem too bad, until they told me it was out of 5 this being him unable to get up from the floor.

In basic terms the Osteoarthritis was inside the joint and pressing on his Spinal Cord causing the neurological deficits in all 4 legs.  He didn’t know what he was doing with his legs. Sarah there and then strongly advised that I DO NOT get on him, he could go down at any moment and I was lucky it hadn’t already happened.  I advised he still had Loss of Use insurance and she advised this would be a Loss of Use if no improvement was made.  Rossdales then wanted to medicate the neck joint under ultrasound with corticosteroids to see if it could take the swelling down, but not to be too hopeful.   I took him home to think about it.  I turned him out with the other horses and as he cantered away he lost his back end and fell.  I phoned Rossdale’s and took him back for the steroid injection on 24 April.

I contacted SEIB about the fact this may be a Loss of Use Claim and they said we would need proof of his value and prove position in competition.  This immediately worried me as I had taken it slowly and then deliberatey taken him out of competition to focus on training to take him back in at a higher level.  Did this mean my much loved horse wouldn’t be valid as he wasn’t in competition?  This wasn’t how it was sold?

I love Zulu more than any other horse in my life and he loves me back.  He is truly my “once in a lifetime” horse.  I couldn’t really believe this was happening and I certainly didn’t want a Loss of Use claim!  Which is silly I know, but I just loved him too much for it to be over.

Over the next month Zulu made no significant improvement that I could see.  His back legs were always going at odd angles.  When he was wearing a rug he looked like a pantomime horse with front legs facing forward and back legs both facing sideways.  I decided to take his shoes off and get him barefoot, to help with his proprioception of where his feet are.

At the end of May he was taken for re-assessment to which there was no improvement and was then prescribed a course of oral steroids and chiropractic work. He then went to stay at the Chiropractor Donna Blinman, so she could work on him every day to try and free his body up.  I was still so hopeful that she could provide a miracle.  He would be re-assessed again at the end of the course of steroids.

After his stay with Donna and he was looking as good as he ever had I made the decision to get back on. He is a big horse and I knew that without me on board he wouldn’t stay in good enough shape to keep his gangly frame together.  We hacked out, we schooled and we did everything in walk.  I was determined to keep him going.

By now SEIB had pretty much paid up to his limit in both medical and alternative fees with no argument.

His final assessment was on 24 July 2013.  We were halfway through a course with my trainer where he was doing half pass, shoulder-in, travers and the start of pirouette.  Was this really a horse who didn’t know where his feet were?  But he wouldn’t go faster than walk.   I managed to get him to trot for about 5 strides and someone walked around the corner and he walked and refused to trot again.

The verdict was damning.  Further assessment revealed he had actually deteriorated Grade 2 in front and 2/3 behind.  I under no circumstances should ride him.  It was just a matter of time before he went down and there is no way that will end well under 18hh.  They advised this was Loss of Use.  When I explained to them how I had been doing half pass the day before, they just advised it was an absolute testament to our relationship that he totally trusted me to place his feet. But he had to concentrate the entire time.  So if anything distracted him and he lost concentration, this would be dangerous.  He had been protecting me by going no faster than walk. My heart broke again at the clarity of why he would only walk with me on board, to protect me.  I took him back to my trainer and I wanted to ride, much to her protest.  I got on, but for the first time he was reluctant to go to the mounting block.  We did all our dressage moves in walk.  By chance it’s all on video.  Very calm peaceful and beautiful.  I have not sat on him again.

SEIB were practical through this entire process to be honest and never disputed a claim.  Once the Loss of Use claim went through the one lady who dealt with me was really good and sympathetic.  Everyone told me they would argue the loss of use and I guess if it wasn’t so dangerous me to get on and maybe if it had only affected one thing, say jumping it may have been different?  They didn’t argue the Loss of Use, although there was mention of their vets having a look.  But Rossdales examinations had been pretty extensive and this wasn’t done.  Within a month he had been Freeze marked with the L and the money paid out.

Its now nearly a year later.  I have never sat on Zulu again.  I tried once again in about the September and he would not go near the mounting block.  I had to listen to what he was saying.  He is still 10 years old and totally cut off in his prime.  Initially, it was very tough to watch him lose muscle.  But doesn’t seem to miss what I assume was the pressure of me being on board.

To cut an immensely long story short a 4yo Dutch Sport horse came and found me a month later (much earlier than I needed or wanted).  As much as I wanted to give up, I wasn’t ready to retire.  She is his exact opposite normal size, grey and a mare.  She has enough confidence and love for all of us and totally ignored my tears.  Zulu adores her and the herd is very happy with the new addition.  Thankfully I have my horses at home and whilst I cant really afford an extra one, its not the end of the world.  Zulu’s money paid for her and despite saying for the last few years that I would not insure a horse again, but put money into an account.  SEIB paid out full veterinary and alternative to try and get him right.  They then paid 100% of his purchase value (minus -£250 as a field companion, which was originally 10% of his value at £950.  My argument – who would by an 18hh Warmblood who eats appox. £50 a week in food + drugs as a field companion!).  They agreed within minutes.

Therefore, she is fully insured again and with LOU which now max is 75%

My advise to anyone.  Be honest with them. My wishes…. More photos’s of competitions etc instead of thinking there will be years ahead to buy these.  Even taking emotion out of this, I think they would need this as proof if the horse were no longer viable for a certain discipline.  For example, if I had show jumped him to 140cm and he could no longer do this.  What proof would there be that he did this?  Would they pay out if I had done this for pleasure with trainers or only viable if he had been affiliated BSJA?  This isn’t really mentioned when you take the policy out.  My advice.  Live everyday with your horse as if its your last"