So.... as it turns out, I’ve probably said before. For me there is no magic formula to regain confidence. Yes, there are strategies that you can use in your brain. I did an amazing NLP course over a few months a few years ago, which armed me with useful tools but also made me realise I was doing a few of them anyway. For someone else these strategies could make the difference. But what happens when you are using them anyway?
So for me its almost about 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. You can chunk it down and set yourself achievable goals but you just need to DO IT!
That's if you want to do it? It may take some harsh words with yourself or for someone else to speak those harsh words to you. Its OK if you don't want to Event anymore. Its OK if you don't want to school your horse and just hack in walk down the road for the rest of your life. But, if after having the conversation, you do want to do more than this. You need to make your choice.
So after these words being spoken to me and me thinking honestly about them. My decision is I do want to ride my horse. I do want to ride my horse faster than walk in the school (before we both expire of boredom) and I do not to stop my parameters shrinking and shrinking.
Becky (the harsh but needed words) advised that to make the change I need to do it at least 4 times a week. I need to go in the school and trot my horse at least 4 times a week to make the change.
So..... for nearly 4 weeks (1 week off due to snow and wrenched hip joint shifting the chain harrow, luckily the two coincided) that is what I've been doing.
Maybe I should explain what happens when I ask Eager to trot. She goes into trot, she hollows, tightens up and she punches back at me. Then goes back to walk. She is quite compelling that walk is where we want to be. What I currently don't have the confidence to do is ride the hollow, punchy trot until I can change it and tell her to bloody well get on with it!! In walk she is amazing, lovely and rounded, stretching into the contact and soft.
The first week consisted of lunge work (not much) and some ground work. Then getting on asking her to trot and then making it my decision to stop. This was tricky and I was unhappy and felt unsafe. Ridiculously high anxiety. So I tried playing classical music (I find this quite calming on the train after my 10 mins meditation) on my iPhone in my pocket. It helped!!! Anxiety definitely better and managing to get some trots in, albeit quite small.
Week two - snow
Week three - Eager and I now have a playlist of inspirational and songs that I like and think would be good to ride too. Its working by the 3rd session of the week I actually kicked her on and told her not to be such a bag... and she went.
Week four. So its now yesterday. We manage two full circuits of trot on each rein. She was forward going and I chose when to stop. There is anxiety but not much. But, I now have the courage to tell her to get on with it... and she is. I was so pleased, feeling we had really turned a corner.
So just as I was thinking I'll do some proper work in walk and then do some more trot. I asked her to turn across the school and she argues... So I revert to plan no 2 of talking aloud and riding purposefully and very plugged in to the next marker. So purposefully that when she spooks very dramatically spinning left and dropping about 2ft. My hips and lower body stay firmly in place. Very secure. Unfortunately my upper body is more focused on where I'm riding in the opposite direction (I do think my head nearly hit her shoulder). This dramatic jarring twist isn't a good move for my sacroiliac joint.
Immediately I'm in agony. I manage to turn her and ride her past where she spooked. Turn a few more circles. Then I have to get off. Too much pain,
SHIT SHIT SHIT
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