Live in the moment

For years I’ve beaten myself up… about many things… but an awful lot about not riding enough. 

Questioning my commitment and even if I want to really ride. Knowing full well that if I rode more consistently than just a hack on a Saturday and Sunday, it would all improve. More so in recent years, with my massive confidence issues exacerbated by Eagers constant medical issues.  But for about the last 6 months and frequent visits from Rob Jackson she has been about as good as it gets… without constant work. 

I’ve known this. Yet despite this I have kid myself that the two hacks at the weekend and if I’m totally honest once a week in the school (sometimes not even ridden) is enough.. Actually I’ve always known this isn’t enough. I was kidding no one… least of all myself.

So I got made redundant nearly two months ago. After 31 years of constant work, I am for a while.. Free (that’s another story entirely)  For the first month not a lot really changed. Getting up slightly later  at just gone 6. Giving the horses breakfast and nebulising Eager. Then turning them out again. Riding (rarely) at about 6pm, which whilst earlier than my old working routine. Late nonetheless. I think a lot of this has to do with routine and nobody liking change. But also a little bit about being scared to change. What if I get another job soon and have to change back again? It will be such a shock to us all again.

But, something changed a couple of  weeks ago. Not sure what entirely. But a few people saying ‘bet you’re enjoying the time off and riding loads’ to which the answer was ‘yes, I think so and no not really’ seemed to me like I was wasting time here…  So, I changed.  I now get up at just gone 6. Give them breakfast and a leaf of hay and shut the stable doors… with them in it. Nebulise, go and do some bits inside then, come out and ride!!! Roughly, all by about 10am.  I have ridden nearly everyday for about 3 weeks.  Probably in a week,  about 4 days schooling and 2 hacking.

No day spent procrastinating, or getting tired, or coming up with excuses not to ride. Just eating breakfast, putting boots on and riding. Just like that! It’s easy. In fact it’s really easy and funnily enough already after only two weeks. Stuff is changing in both Eager and myself. So much so that I’m now thinking shit… I’m going to have to go back to work. I love this!

But the meaning of this blog is getting lost. Basically, having a full time stressful job. That involved 3-4 hours travelling a day and then looking after 4 horses with no help and riding one is BLOODY hard! A few people have questioned how I did it.  But, I’ve never really acknowledged it. After all it’s the way it had to be and sadly, the way it will probably need to be again. 

But it’s tough.  There is no pleasure in riding at 7pm at night in the cold and dark on a spooky opinionated mare . Or at 7pm on a perfect summers evening having had an awful day at work.  You are tired, possibly not in a good frame of mind to ride and just want to sit down with a glass of wine.

I know people do it. People far more disciplined than myself. I know people do it, who also have children and jobs… but to what cost? Some people will give up everything else in their lives to get in and ride the pony, to compete, to be the best.

I am not that person. I love my horses, I’ve built my entire life around them. But not to the cost of everything else. Life, I feel, should be about balance. It’s about eating the salad with a chocolate cake afterwards, about having the gin & tonic (when I say a… I mean 4) and drinking water all the next day, it’s about going to the gym so you can sit in a restaurant with your friends eating pizza. It’s about living for now but realising there is a future consequence for your actions.

So for now I’m going to really enjoy my riding each morning. I’m going to build on my knowledge about my beautiful mare and hope this will have positive impact on future necessities.  Live in the moment (as they say).

Picture of beautiful Pony at Ashen in April 2019...

Coming Home

So...... its now August.  The end of August at that.  Without scratching around in diaries... I would imagine its now over a year since I came off Eager and the decline of my confidence.

Its been a tough, tough year. Mentally, I took a bit of a battering.  If I'm honest, if Eager wasn't so expensive to keep (breathing wise) I would have considered selling her.  There have been points when I thought it was just her and I would have been happy to ride another horse. 

Then another issue arose in her mouth and at the end of May, she had a tooth out.  This all giving me another excuse (lets be honest) to not ride in the school.... aware now that it really is coming to shit or bust time!

I have to go back to a plan...  So I phone Juliet and explain what is happening to me and out she came at the end of June.  She has been pretty much coming to see me every couple of weeks.  I love Juliet and whilst I have no idea really what riding 'more leg to hand' means...  or 'inside leg to outside hand' when she tells me.  I can roughly translate into Becky language.  She is an absolute wealth of experience and I trust her.  Which is pretty much the most important thing.  If someone tells me my horse looks fine and to push on, unless I trust their opinion.  I am not going to do it!  So very slowly, she has got me trotting around my school to the point of last week I wasn't really very anxious at all (although I had my moments).  It amounted to hanging in with the sticky bits and pushing her on.  Its still not immensely pretty, but we are functional!

We had a small interlude of Eager looking locked behind and I by some fate of the gods managed to get Rob Jackson out within a week to unlock her.  Just in time for my weekend with Becky that I managed to book in for the Bank Holiday.

So we arrived on Saturday for our first lesson, about an hour before my lesson.  Giving me enough time to unload, nebulise, put massage pad on, do RJ flexions, tack up and be in the school for 12.30pm.  This was slightly deliberate in not allowing me time to think.

As soon as I got on I knew she was fine and in a good move.  So off we went, trotting within the first few minutes.  

..... 10 months later I can see I posted but didn't finish this blog...  Which is a shame.  The outcome was... I had a fabulous course with my great support network at Ashen.  Its not all been that simple, but I can finally say in June 2019.  I can now trot my horse around a school (yes I used to event) !  Its been very hard work... and you need to want it enough.

The plan goes forth!

So.... as it turns out, I’ve probably said before. For me there is no magic formula to regain confidence. Yes, there are strategies that you can use in your brain. I did an amazing NLP course over a few months a few years ago, which armed me with useful tools but also made me realise I was doing a few of them anyway.  For someone else these strategies could make the difference.  But what happens when you are using them anyway?

So for me its almost about 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'.  You can chunk it down and set yourself achievable goals but you just need to DO IT!

That's if you want to do it?  It may take some harsh words with yourself or for someone else to speak those harsh words to you.  Its OK if you don't want to Event anymore.  Its OK if you don't want to school your horse and just hack in walk down the road for the rest of your life.  But, if after having the conversation, you do want to do more than this.  You need to make your choice.

So after these words being spoken to me and me thinking honestly about them.  My decision is I do want to ride my horse.  I do want to ride my horse faster than walk in the school (before we both expire of boredom) and I do not to stop my parameters shrinking and shrinking.

Becky (the harsh but needed words) advised that to make the change I need to do it at least 4 times a week.  I need to go in the school and trot my horse at least 4 times a week to make the change.

So.....  for nearly 4 weeks (1 week off due to snow and wrenched hip joint shifting the chain harrow, luckily the two coincided) that is what I've been doing.

Maybe I should explain what happens when I ask Eager to trot.  She goes into trot, she hollows, tightens up and she punches back at me.  Then goes back to walk.  She is quite compelling that walk is where we want to be.  What I currently don't have the confidence to do is ride the hollow, punchy trot until I can change it and tell her to bloody well get on with it!!  In walk she is amazing, lovely and rounded, stretching into the contact and soft.

The first week consisted of lunge work (not much) and some ground work.  Then getting on asking her to trot and then making it my decision to stop.  This was tricky and I was unhappy and felt unsafe.  Ridiculously high anxiety.  So I tried playing classical music (I find this quite calming on the train after my 10 mins meditation) on my iPhone in my pocket.  It helped!!!  Anxiety definitely better and managing to get some trots in, albeit quite small.

Week two - snow

Week three - Eager and I now have a playlist of inspirational and songs that I like and think would be good to ride too.  Its working by the 3rd session of the week I actually kicked her on and told her not to be such a bag... and she went.

Week four.  So its now yesterday. We manage two full circuits of trot on each rein. She was forward going and I chose when to stop.  There is anxiety but not much.  But, I now have the courage to tell her to get on with it... and she is.  I was so pleased, feeling we had really turned a corner.

So just as I was thinking I'll do some proper work in walk and then do some more trot.  I asked her to turn across the school and she argues...  So I revert to plan no 2 of talking aloud and riding purposefully and very plugged in to the next marker.  So purposefully that when she spooks very dramatically spinning left and dropping about 2ft.  My hips and lower body stay firmly in place. Very secure. Unfortunately my upper body is more focused on where I'm riding in the opposite direction (I do think my head nearly hit her shoulder).  This dramatic jarring twist isn't a good move for my sacroiliac joint.

Immediately I'm in agony.  I manage to turn her and ride her past where she spooked.  Turn a few more circles.  Then I have to get off.  Too much pain,

SHIT SHIT SHIT
 

Its been a long time.... Too faked out to make it.

So many things have happened since the last post....  I almost don't know where to start.  So I'll start with what is going in my life right now.

I have lost my confidence.  There I've said it!

I have suffered with this in varying degrees over the last few years if I'm honest.  Really since Zulu.  When I realised there was a big difference between riding a physically compromised 16.1 ID X to riding a 18.1 big moving Warmblood.

Having learnt to ride the 18.1 big moving warmblood and the physical issues that come with this (for the horse and me) I purchased Eager who is a very different stamp of Warmblood.  As it turns out probably not so big moving because she was also compromised...  but a different post for another time.

But something Eager is, which neither of my other two were is very sharp. The amount of times people comment when you are riding a big horse (both wide or tall or both).  Wow you are so brave up there.... well not so much.  Yes, if Zulu did something gymnastic it was huge and quite scary.  Being 15ft up in the air on Zulu wasn't as difficult for us as you would think!  But, there is a LOT of horse to sit on, a lot of horse in front, a lot of horse to the side.  I'm not saying big horses cant be quick and sharp.  But in my experience they tend not to be so much.  Think of a giraffe running, its like slow motion. 

I liked this when I first got her.  I definitely think she would have made a great event horse because of the quick thinking sharpness.   There was always an element of 'fifth leg' to Eager.  The 'fifth leg' is actually her brain.

But due to soundness issue, lack of consistency in her training and also the changes she had to make to her own physicality she started to feel not so safe.  She was no longer so balanced and then the sharpness turned on me.

A few sticky instances when spooking.  Eager can do a 180 and be at full gallop within 0.5 of a second.  This happened a lot and she caught me... a lot.  So this even helped, I absolutely knew she didn't want me on the floor and would always catch me.  Which gave me the confidence to push her when she would push back.

Then one day she didn't.  One day she tried her absolute hardest to not catch me.  I'm not sure she meant it.  There could be a number of factors to why, which are now irrelevant.  It also may have been bad timing for me mentally.  But sadly, this one time of her not catching me overwrote all of those times she did. 

This was last August (Shit! I just looked this up, I thought was November).  Apart from a couple of courses at Becky's.  I haven't really trotted her in a school since.  On the road I'm fine!  I have been aware of it hovering in the background, but I haven't acknowledged it or really tried to give it much brain space at all.  This being under the pretence of not wanting to feed the fear.  But, this meant I hadn't dealt with it at all.  I'd just done nothing.... apart from become a master of all things lateral in walk.  God I was bored!! 

So I went on my first course of 2018 at Becky's and I lost the plot.  I couldn't do it.  I could no longer fake the confidence to make it.  Rock bottom was hit....

So with the help of my wonderful friends.  We came up with a plan.

p.s.  I have just read the last couple of posts from before.   This isnt really a new issue is it!!!

Badminton Inspiration

Things are just getting better and better with Eager at the moment.  I am thoroughly enjoying riding her and starting to feel more like the rider I know I am.  Riding in the school (out) is no longer an issue, although I still haven't ridden in the school at home.  This is a small amount of me not wanting too but more now to do with the surface being rubbish. 

Last weekend David and I went to Badminton HT for 3 days.  Whilst not on any level am I thinking the **** is possible (that ship has definitely sailed) the Grassroots fences that I saw were do able.

So I really need to work on my mental attitude because I can easily ride what is needed.  I just need to sort my head thing out.  I need to change my mind, from that could happen if I do that? to there is the other side and I need to be there!  Its all in your head.  Which lets face it, is pretty much the difference between the people at the top of any sport and the bottom.

Progression in anything is all about the planning.  Setting yourself smaller achievable to steps to attain an achievable goal.  I say achievable, what I may mean is realistic.  For instance at 43 having only been around 1 3DE and about 2 1DE and many x-country courses up to about 90cm it would be unrealistic to have a goal of winning the Rolex Grand Slam.  Unless, of course I gave up work, won about 40 million and rode a 1 DE everyday for the next few years.  Even then I doubt I would have the experience to do it!!!  But, I do know qualifying for the Grassroots Championships is achievable. 

For the BE90
Eligible horse/rider combinations that finish in the top 10 per cent in each normal BE90  or BE90 Open section held at BE events from 1st July 2014 and 30th June 2015 inclusive, will qualify to compete at a BE90 Regional Final. During August – October 2015, BE90 Regional Finals, confined to qualified horses, will be conducted in accordance with the rules for BE90 classes. Horse and rider combinations may only compete in one of the BE90 Regional Finals for each qualifying result attained, but, having qualified, may not compete in subsequent BE90 Regional Finals.

To start doing this I need to start eventing and I believe if I was to put it in scale it would look something like this.

Compete BE90 - YAY
Compete BE80 - YAY
Compete Unaffiliated 1DE
Compete Cross Country
Compete Show Jumping
Cross Country Training
Show Jumping Training
Try Jumpcross
Jump in different arenas
Jump on grass
Gain hours jump training
Start jumping Eager
School on grass
Compete Dressage
Strengthen Eagers canter
Sort out my arena

Now the ones at the bottom a reasonably interchangeable.  Less so the ones at the top.  The plan has begun....

Confidence.....

I have had something of a revelation in the last few months of actually enjoying my hacking.  So much so that I haven't ridden in the school at all and if I’m honest it has become a bit of a thing! 

Eager is a bossy little thing, not malicious or wanting me on the ground at all.  But if you don't fill her dance card, she flosses around that ball room showing you a few moves of her own (that are yet to be of any benefit, apart from maybe cow roping).   Funnily enough, being wazzed at 180 degrees in 0.2 or a second does not lend itself to me riding in the school.  Avoidance.  Tactic no. 1!

I went to Becky's at the beginning of April for a 3 day course, obviously it’s in a school. Whilst my anxiety were ridiculously  high on a few occasions I did manage to only get one spook in 3 days which wasn't bad going!  In fact by day 3, I realised what a truly amazing horse I have.  Despite not going in the school for 9 months we had a very decent shoulder in and Travers by the end.  Travers I asked for the first time on day 3 and she just did it!  Wow :-)  Trot we realised was making her very tense, so Becky allowed me to avoid this.  Especially, as all was going so well in walk.  It’s clear I can work on things in my own time and get results, without the need to be in the school all of the time.  But this isn’t really solving the problem….

The well-meaning people on the course started to ask me why I was anxious and I wasn’t willing to discuss it.  It’s not that I was being mean, it’s just I don’t want to give it the air time or the brain space.  The brain doesn’t do negative thought.  So if you try not to think about it…. That’s exactly what you are doing.  I know sometimes it’s silly.  But, it is what it is and no amount of analysing it by someone else will help my situation.  In my experience, the only thing that will help ME, for MY situation is time.  I know I need to put myself in the stretch zone, but I need to do that on my terms in my way.  Because, my instinct if I get really stressed is to just leave the situation and I don’t mean physically, I mean mentally.  This really doesn’t do the situation any good at all!  I’m not inclined to put my faith in strangers and the best of times, let alone when I am scared!

I’m sure there are a million reasons why I have lost my confidence in certain situations at the moment.  Age, upset, experience, etc., etc. but the crux of the matter is we just need to get our trust back, in each other.  I had a conversation at the weekend with Marian telling her about Eagers canter through the woods on Saturday and how slow she was.  Marian said can I stop you, you cantered through the woods but you won’t ride in the school?  Yep, don’t have a problem out.  That’s what I’ve been doing 3 times a week for 4 months, why would I LOL.  Makes sense to me!

But, I am aware I need to do something because I have dreams to fulfil.  I have been to Juliet twice and she is working with me and she said I am a million times better each time she sees me.  As long as that continues its fine!  I rode in the school at home this week.  Only for 15 mins (down one end) but I did it and trotted.  It’s now been 3 occasions in the school that she hasn’t done a dramatic spook at an imaginary monster.  No 180’s for a few weeks.  So I am learning that if I ride her and keep her attention she won’t make it up as she goes along and eventually I will forget completely and she is learning (I believe) that it doesn’t hurt anymore when I ride her in the school in circles. We are learning again, to trust each other.

Hacking, she is great in company and rarely gets stressed of spooky.  I had recently had a few successful solo hacks. Not for very long, but working up to the day when she can comfortably go on her own.  But a couple of weeks ago, she wasn’t having it at all.  Bouncing and plunging in the road, dangerously close to ditches and cars because she didn’t want to go where I was telling her.  I just didn’t have the nerve to do what I thought was needed which was to give her a smack and ride her like I wanted to move forward.  I wasn’t in a good place in the road and I wasn’t sure what the fallout was going to be and if I could sit on it.  I didn’t know how far she would go to get her own way.  I went home feeling very dejected and cross with myself for quite frankly not having the balls to ride it!

Last night, I went out with next door and her livery and for some reason I put on my air jacket.  She steamed off in front which was a good sign and I said to Sue and Helen as we approached the dodgy area, can you do me a favour, if she starts to misbehave, don’t come in front of me.  Let me get her through.  Well as luck would have it and we turned the corner there was road signs and barrier etc.  So approaching the area she doesn’t like (donkey field) and with added stimulation as if on cue she stops to spin, which I stop and she starts to bounce up and down. Sue and Helen stayed back and I turned her around and gave her a smack, she bounced a few more times and I smacked again and she moved forward.  Good girl, lots of praise.  She stopped again and started bouncing, another smack and ride it forward.  She went, lots of praise and a long rein as a reward.  This continued by a few more barriers we came across until the last one she just tensed, but carried on going.  I don’t think I have ever been so pleased or felt so confident in my riding in a long time.  I sat on it and bloody rode it!

I learnt the worst she was going to do at that was bunny hop, she learnt that she has to go when I say so.  Back to the contract, you do what I tell you to do and I promise I’ll do my damnedest to not put you in any dangerous situations.

We are getting there…

Post Rockley - What I've actually done - Feed

I feel that I haven't really written much about Eagers return and what I have been doing.  So I'll try and tell you.  But basically, I (maybe for first time) have been doing exactly what I was told to do.

Feed
Has pretty much remained as it was with the addition of high spec minerals.  I for many years have fed a no sugar and as few additives as possible diet from Simple Systems https://www.simplesystemhorsefeeds.co.uk/  SS works for me on many levels and still feed my own version of their Total Eclipse Balancer being linseed, seaweed and brewers yeast.  I order online and they come and deliver and stack up in my barn genius!
I don't consider SS perfect in all things, if I had all the money in the world I would probably go with Thunderbrooks http://www.thunderbrook.co.uk/  But from what I can see its not financially viable for me, a multi horse owner. Dr Deborah Carley is an interesting person indeed and have on frequent occasions for Zulu fed their Gut Restore and Liquid Gold.  She is a font of knowlege and worth following.

With regards to the minerals.  Nic recommends you have your grazing/hay analysed and you supplement accordingly.  I wasn't entirely happy with this due to the hay coming from different places/fields.  Also, I think you need to be careful when feeding straight minerals.
So after some research I decided on a broadspec mineral balancer from the EquiNatural Company http://www.equinatural.co.uk/EquiVita
Because, I have 3 big horses (they all need help with their feet) this seemed the highest spec for the best money.  Nic also recommends a company called Progressive Earth, who I know Marion has found very helpful.  Without a doubt, Zulu and Conors feet have improved since I have been using.  There is definitely a different quality to the hoof.  Much, like I observed in Eagers at Rockley.  Its hard to say, but even to touch, it feels different.  Almost more dense?  I have also since the start of March added extra magnesium to all of their feeds. Which is meant to make a vast difference to their footyness when the grass is too sugary.  You can't overfeed this as the body will just get rid of it with no adverse affect.  Interestly enough, Conor has always loved his foot soaks in Epsom salt.  Which is something I have always done if he looks sore.  Guess what it contains.... yep magnesium!

They have a handful of Simple Systems lucie/grass nuts, natural hay chop (no molasses), large scoop of linseed plus seaweed, rosehips and for my oldies boswelia.  I am currently also feeding dandelion, cleavers, nettle and milk thistle as a spring tonic.

I have always fed herbs to my horses and people have questioned me how I know what to feed them? Well, obviously like everyone else I can read the descriptions for each herb on the box, websites etc.  But, how do I pick them....  well I don't know.  I just decide what they may need and I do it.  I suppose some would say I go with my gut, but I'm sure its more informed than that. 

So far so, good.

11 weeks post Rockley and 1st Ashen Course

Eager has now been home from Rockley for 11 weeks and I can honestly say she is 'sound'.  Her stride has opened up so much in the last 3/4 weeks.  My little pony hacking buddies can no longer keep up.  Which is as it should be when your riding a 16.2 warmblood and your friends are on 12.2 ponies :-)

It was Becky's 10 year anniversary of have Ashen EC open this weekend.  This is when I had Eager booked in to make her debut return.  Which she did with much aplomb!!  In fact a little too much.  I had a sneaking suspicion this week that she was in season.  Plus, I haven't ridden her in an arena, at all.  So I guessed it may be interesting.... so much so that I actually took and put on my air jacket.

So after an example of how she could rodeo and stand on her back legs (So high I thought she was going over backwards) we kept her schooling on the lunge for about 1/2 an hour.  I had bad thoughts that this was going to be a complete waste of money.  There was no way, I was getting on her!  To which Becky agreed.  Becky arrived with a schooling whip with a bag on the end.  We needed to teach her to keep her flailing limbs away from us!  So B proceeded to school on the lunge with changes of movement and direction frequently.  She is Bossy and you need to fill her brain, before she does.  Any loss of attentiveness and the bag chased her a little.  Always wanting the shoulders and head pointing at me (in the middle) instead of the back end.  She twigged very, very quickly.

So I got on.... for about 1 minute and then I got off again.  We established I get very uncomfortable when I lose her shoulders.  Eager has taken control of her shoulders and I need to make sure I have them on lunge, in hand and ridden.

So we did in hand work.  Getting her to bend around me but, getting the shoulders to move away.  So if on the 3/4 line, get her to bend around me but leg vield to the track.  The aim is to get the front inside leg to cross over on front of the outside leg.  She needs to move forward and away. 

So I then got on again......  Yay!!!  Eager (finally in control of herself)  Doing constant shoulder movement, change of direction and movement.  Don't have a floor plan.  Just keep her moving and thinking!!  Do not allow her to take control!

A more natural winter?

It has just occurred to me (lying in bed freezing) that I have been writing this blog for over a year now.  I remember quite vividly how rubbish I felt last year at this time and how I was struggling with the horses and considering a livery yard for all!

Now I'm not saying it's been easy at all and my back is struggling to cope with the sheer quantity of manure that I appear to shovel this time of year but I'm certainly no where near the depths of despair I was last year. 

This year I had a big switch in winter procedure and it appears to have benefited the horses as much as me.  Two major things have changed.

One, when winter reared its head in about October/November I made a decision to not bring them in overnight.  But to enable them to have the option.  They are brought in at about 4pm for dinner and a haynet.  Then I open the doors at 8pm and they are free to wander around the yard and go to the haytubs I made or stay in the stable.  I shut the fields off, to give them some kind of rest and they are turned out on the hard standing around the yard.  It has only been the last month or so I believe they spend more time in the stables (mucking out has become harder).  Each morning they line up down the yard and await breakfast.  I then put more hay in the tubs and at least one day a week, open the field up (it looks hideous, but who cares). It is something I have been considering doing for a few years and it helps to wear their bare feet down and also keeps them healthier on a variety of harder and sometimes drier surfaces.   Certainly healthier than wet mud and then soft bed 24/7.  I muck out each morning and shut the stable doors.  Sam then poo picks around the yard when she brings them in the afternoon.

The other major change is I haven't rugged.  This was my biggest leap of faith.  Zulu has always struggled to keep weight on over the winter.  Bess mainly looks good, Conor always looks better than good as does Eager.  So I worked on the basis that the only ones I need to keep and eye on are Bess, because she is 30 and Zulu, well because he is Zulu :-)  The worst that could happen is they drop weight at which point I feed them more or rug them.  The only time I rug is when I know it is going to rain all day or all night.  For instance I left them out this morning rug free in the snow, as I knew it wasn't going to snow all day.  They all without exception look amazing!  Zulu far better than usual neither Bess or Conor much different.  The only one I think has dropped some weight is Eager, but she needed to!  So perfect.  They have been rug free for 98% of the winter.  Horses coats work by trapping air, so their coats stand up and it creates a layer of warmth around their body.  A sign it works and no heat is escaping is when it snows and it sits on their back, unmelted.  When I put a rug on now, I make sure its a thick one as by putting the rug on, I am stopping the hair from standing up. That's why I have rugged in heavy rain and I have religiously curry combed mud off.  Both of which stop the coat from working effectively.  I have only done it though as they are out 24/7, which also gives them to chance to create heat by moving.  Not sure if it works so well on a stabled horse?

Its now the beginning of February and as I horse owner I know that winter is far from over.  Only in April will I breath a sigh of relief.  But, I think its worked and definitely makes you think and reassess what you do with your land.  From a barefoot perspective an all weather surface saves you a lot of work riding on the roads etc. and the thought of all year turnout with adlib hay can only be good for them?  Conor certainly used to hate wearing a rug and would show it quite visibly.  I am lucky that I have the ability to evolve with my horses and with knowledge,what you believe is right and wrong.


 

1 Month from Rockley

Last Friday was Eager's anniversary of being a month back from Rockley.  I managed to download a free app on my phone so I could record Eagers walk in both the medio lateral and if she was landing heel first.  It took quite a few attempts to get it right and again help from Marian.

Below is the heel first

 

and then the medio lateral

 

I sent to Nic at Rockley and she said it wasn't quite high enough spec to see the heel first exactly.  But, getting my eye in I would say it is or only just flat.  Obviously, I want heel first!  The medio lateral video shows quite clearly the twist on the right fore.  But, hardly seen on the left.  It will be really interesting to compare this in a couple of months when the total new foot is grown.

 

Previously, to this I had taken her for a small hack on the road Solo.  Which she was really good.  I then took her in the school for the first time since she was diagnosed.  Initially she felt pretty good....  Then, I think she felt too good and we did a good impression of a rodeo across the school.  I did think she was going to jump out.  But,thankfully stopped and put me back in the saddle!  Shortly after I dismounted, un-tacked and put her on the lunge where she decided to run around like a charging Warthog for 10 minutes.  Fair enough... I think this may need to be work in progress :-)

 



January New Starts

Next Friday Eager will have been home 4 weeks!!  How time fly's when your having fun :-)

I have been very good and ridden 3 times every week.  Although small blip and didn't manage to ride this Saturday due to 30kmh winds.  She has been really good and I have had no reason to feel its not been working.  We had our longest hack last Wednesday and about 1/4 of a mile from home she did stumble 3 times.  So not sure if it may have been a bit much or if it was because we had 20m of 'Passage' past some young stallions in a field.

I have seen Eager do her 'Passage' a few times, mainly on the lunge and once when I was walking down the road with her in hand.  It absolutely terrified me.  She gets such suspension in mid air, its quite phenomenal. Truly a girlie showing off with her tail bolt upright.  Every time I've seen it, I always think "shit, hope she doesn't do that when I'm on her".  Well, I can say with my hand on my heart, it was truly amazing to sit on, like floating.  Not, like riding an unexploded bomb at all.  So now all I can say is "Shit, I hope she does that again when I'm on" LOL

Apart from that.  I have been trying not to obsess too much and stick with my I'll do photo's and video at 4 weeks and send them to Nic.

I also decided when Eager went away that I needed to lose quite a bit of weight.  At 5'9 I will concede I can carry weight quite well and I do carry it very evenly.  So never really get that perspective of being huge.  But it does creep up....  I spent pretty much all of my 20's between 9 1/2 to 10st (yes I was very slim).  I have spent the last few years at a lot more than that!!  But should be somewhere between 10-11st for ME to be happy.

Previously,the biggest I had been was 12st.  But, what I hadn't expected was to weigh myself last Sunday and be 12st 11lb!!!  I had seen a few photo's on facebook recently and my face looked big.  Talk about a kick into action!

In the last 10 years I have done 2 diets.  Both no (or should I say silly low) carbohydrate.  the infamous Atkins diet in which I lost 2 stone in as many months and the Dukan in which I did the same.  No carbs, just works for me.  I am not saying its easy, but it works and quickly.  For me psychologically quick and noticeable means I stick at it.

I am doing a bit of a hybrid of the both.  So basically meat, fish, vegetables, salad and low fat dairy.  This is it, all of the time.  I have lost 7lb in 7 days...  so clearly working :-)  I know people don't have a good word to say about high protein diets, which I don't really get.  I am eating about quadrouple the amount of veg I normally do.  So I don't really get what is so bad?  I don't eat fruit very often anyway.  So no loss there... and by the way there is no such thing as 'Good' sugar.  Sugar is sugar, whether it comes from an apple or a jelly tot and if your trying to lose weight you need to cut it out.  I just laugh at people who go on diets and consume vast quantities of fruit in a smoothie.  Probably more sugar in that than a mars bar (although I concede they may high slightly more fibre).  Equally I don't agree with the theory of its bad to lose weight quickly.....  really how?  Your just jealous I'm losing and your not I'm afraid!

One thing I have really noticed this time is my motivation.  Yes, I look and feel better slimmer.  I look better in clothes and I can move better.  Which overall makes me more confident about myself.  But that isn't enough when I'm happily scoffing some French bread and cheese.  Eating makes me happy.  But, I can remember how amazing I felt 5 years ago when I lost 2st on the Dukan diet.  So many people commented on how different I seemed as a person.  My mantra truly became Kate Moss "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" and I truly believed this.   I can remember that feeling of being confident, powerful and attractive.  I remember this because I was 38.  I had taken it for granted when I was younger (and it happened naturally).  So realising this is my motivation has made me really think about what motivates people who have been overweight for a long time.  How do you realise how much better you will feel if you have never felt amazing?

Eagerly Home

Eager has been home now for 2 weeks tomorrow. Timing wise we cut her Rockley stay 2 weeks short.  Mainly, because it was Christmas and it really made sense to have her home when I could get riding without too much difficulty and also because she was pretty much ready.

From Nics blogs you can tell that Eager arrived at Rockley with feet most horses would be envious of leaving with, so I didn't feel too bad letting her leave early.

Here is her last Rockley post:

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/why-its-not-about-trim-eagers-final.html

Picking her up turned out to be a logistical nightmare for many reasons, which seem quite trivial now.  I had decided to do the journey in a day and thought this seemed viable as long as I had someone to drive one leg of the journey.  Because,as much as I love Eager not even I could drive for 12 hours on my own.  Also, as well it gets quite expensive.  Not only do you pay for diesal but also you then need to pay for accomodation and the whole journey ends up to be about £300.  Which 3 days before Ćhristmas is not ideal. Anyway, Dad came to the rescue :-)  Bless him, he was only supposed to be over for a week (this got extended for other reasons) and he was taking a day out to come and get Eager with me. 

We left at 330am.  Dad drove the journey there and despite on this leg being horse free, it was a slog.  Dark, raining with a 5 junction diversion on the M4.  We arrived about 30 mins later than anticipated again 930am.  Nic was in good form and we had the whole thing turned around in an hour and I drove out the gates at 1030am.  Eager ate the entire way home and I drove in daylight and sunshine, we arrived at 4pm.

The others seem pleased to have her back and touch wood, so far so good.  I have worked out that I'll be able to ride her 3 times a week until the clocks go forward.  Nic said this is fine as long as any changes are done slowly.  Starting at 45 minute hacks.  I have to say she has been an absolute star since she got home and seems to have done a big of growing up.  Not fazed by anything and being a 'thoroughly good egg' 

The 3 times is not ideal and should really be more, but there's is not much I can do about this really.  I told Nic about my set up with the hay on the concrete yard and the road planing track I've put down and she said this is great and will do a lot of the work for me.  I'll explain about this in my next post.

But mainly, she is home and I'm riding and I'm happy 😀

Great links... (especially for Lisa M)

I've had this is the background for a while and keep meaning to add to it.

Here are some very informative articles about Feet (horses)  I warn you.... you do end up reading about 10 articles later.

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/hooves-from-veterinary-perspective.html
http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/science-catching-up-with-feet.html

Sound

I am so, so behind on my writing!

So... 4 weeks ago I drive to Rockley with the fabulous Marian to keep me company.  I love my husband dearly, but I have to say there was a lot more conversation with Marian!!

We arrived Sunday morning where Eager rushed to the front of the stall and whinnied with delight at seeing me :-)  No, this is what happened in my head.  What she actually did, was look at me slightly suspiciously and carried on eating her haylage.

Marian proceeded to ask all of the questions that I needed to ask and don't....  I have to say Nic was a bit bristly to start.  I think she had a pretty bad week, I know her dog had died.  But it was a bit weird and not entirely necessary.  There was a tense moment when Marian asked if Eager was 'Sound' to which we got a 2 minute dialogue as to what did sound actually mean and it was all subjective.....  I thought it was a fairly inoffensive question when you are paying £180 a week to get your horse using its foot correctly.... to enable it to become.... urm sound.  But, I think we decided to let bygones be bygones on that.  It improved after that and I think Nic actually ended up giving Marian some pretty sound (excuse the pun) advise on what to try next with Archie's footyness.  I think we have to accept that some people are just not made for the people business and that is why she deals with horses.  I have no problem with that!!!

What was very clear was the difference in her hoof.  Both the texture and the angle.  Here is the link she posted just after I went http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/eagers-6-week-update.html
I again asked what is it that creates such a dramatic change.  Again the answer diet, surfaces and movement.  I have come to the conclusion there is no rocket science to it.  I don't believe Nic is being evasive or trying to protect her business.  It is just really just this simple.... Saying that I'm sure there is some Rockley magic (Nic's huge experience) involved.

After all that, still feeling no more enlightened about Rockley than I did 8 weeks ago.  I got on!!!

Off we toddled up the road and back.  She started a bit tottery but her stride soon opened up and she felt much more her usual old self.  I occasionally asked her to work a bit and she seemed to remember how, but found it quite difficult.  Nic commented they normally just ride on the buckle.  Which was great to hear to be honest.  I didn't really want anyone messing with her schooling. 

(yes, I am the one with the purple tit)

I then took her in the school and asked her to so a few circuits in trot.  She was very, very lazy and it was hard work.  But she ended up feeling pretty good and definitely SOUND.... In my opinion LOL.

But God it was hard work!!  LOL for us both.

I came away feeling a little numb if I'm honest.  But looking back now, I have such faith in Nic and Rockley.  It never occurred to me that it wouldn't work.  So, me riding her and her being better was no surprise.

It again is very clear what needs to happen when she gets home. Hacking on the buckle and then hacking work.  Then schooling will start hopefully in about April.

The last month

Tomorrow, I go to see my 'little miss muffit' (said in Cheryl Cole voice).

She has now been at Rockley 6 weeks and is in full ridden work and I can ride.  Very exciting and a little nervous.  I haven't ridden for 5 months now.  I think this is the longest I have ridden for in about 13 years.  So, I fully expect to be a little sore on Monday!

I am also a little worried where my hat, gloves, boots etc are.... and do they still fit?

Lots of people have been asking me if I'm looking forward to riding again?  If I am really honest I am not 100% sure.  Life has been so easy looking after the other 3 and not riding.  I have been able to catch up on lots of jobs and each week I have set myself a task.

2 weeks ago.   The cat climbing frame.

and last week I tidied up the arena and decided to put the poles in a convenient place

Both of which I think I am quite proud of.  I assume there is only so much DIY you can do?

The best news also is that when she comes home in January, I have arranged with work a 4 day week.  Spending, each Wednesday riding!

I'll post hopefully with pictures after the weekend.

Eager's 3 week update

I am amazed and very proud of my little girl :-)

http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/eagers-update.html

Especially with the changes in foot lateral balance from pictures 3 to 4. 

Support group?

When Eager was first diagnosed with Navicular I searched on Facebook (among many, many other places) for any information I could find.  I found two closed membership forums and I can't really remember finding anything that useful on them that I didn't find elsewhere but, I think it's nice to have a bit of support.  

Rockley have their own support forum.  Strictly for people who have had their horses at Rockley.  Which is great, because there is a lot of negativity out there!

A post last week on one of them happened to ask if there were any Ex Rockley rehabs out there.  I said, I was.  The lady in question was in the US and as she couldn't get to Rockley.  She wanted as much info as possible.  I PM'd her, just giving a brief description of Eager and pretty the rest being what is on Nic's blogs.  Anyway, we got a bit of dialogue going which is not something I would normally do with a complete stranger.  But, I really felt for her and she really believes in what Rockley do but doesn't have a similar place in the US.  It again made me thankful that Rockley is in relative terms,on my doorstep.

Now, the lady in question happened to mention in a further post that one of the trimmers she used to use made her horse sore every time.  She had then changed trimmers and the horse hadn't been sore since.  Pretty innocuous post to be honest.  Not a statement of blame, just a statement of fact.  Whereupon, a trimmer (I so gather) left what can only amount a 500 word rant about how dare she blame trimmers, blah, blah, they do their best in a bad world.... along those lines.  Not content with one post, she then continued to start again in another.

Now......  I took a little exception to this.  As not at any point did my American friend say anything derogatory about anyone, just made a very small comment that one trimmer made her horse lame and the next one didn't....  So, not wanting to really start a row.  I tried to defend my new found friend, whilst also trying to defuse the situation and make a statement I totally stand by.

 

As you can see.  That went really well for me. LOL

I do admit, maybe my NEVER was a little aggressive and understand this could annoy. I then found out this woman was the administrator of the forum and I couldn't really see how this was going to end well.  So, to avoid me getting into a silly online row, where clearly things would be taken out of context (by one person).  I deleted my membership.  So I can't tell you where this conversation went as I can't see anymore!  

I now realise this is a bit of a shame.  As I have spoken to my American friend and she stays on it to try and learn as much as she can about Rockley.  I just can't see how what the nutty trimmer has said is in anyway supportive.  It wasn't a trimmers support group (which she clearly needs amongst other things) it was about navicular? So technically, all the other people out there who can't afford of aren't able to send there horses to Rockley, lose a source of information on how horses are successfully rehabbed.

Situations and actions do create reactions. The fact of the matter is that Eager's weakness in her foot was exacerbated by my farrier leaving the toe too long on the foot.  Yes, I take responsibility for this as I looked at her feet for a couple of months thinking it didn't look right.  I don't really even blame the farrier.  He did what he did with best intentions and how was he/me to know that she had something going on in her foot that means they need to be kept perfectly? With most other horses if may have made no difference.  None of us are perfect, all we can do is the best we can with the information we have been given.  But we do have the choice to look for it.

Eager landing heel first in just 2 weeks!

It's now been 2 weeks since I took Eager B to Rockley and she has had her first Rockley blog entry

Http://rockleyfarm.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/eagerly-awaited.html
 

And I have just had an email from Nic this morning telling me she is being a good girl and has settled really well..... Also that she is consistently and clearly already landing heel first with every stride. Wow!  In two weeks! I am over the moon :-) 

So she will now be worked on more challenging surfaces.  As she is now landing heel first and using her foot correctly I can only assume the inflammation in the foot will start to go down and the pain should diminish. 

Over the last week or so I have acknowledged in my head that there is no doubt in my mind she will come sound. So I am already looking forward to next year and the work involved to build a solid base of work for Eager to continue with her soundness.  This will be mainly based on hacking and building muscle and fitness. As I recently put in an email to Becky 'like in the olden days'.  

Sitting here on the train I have a big smile on my face.  All is becoming clearer to me what I should do.

Also, it has now made me doubly annoyed with the insurance company for not paying out.  Not just for me, but all of those people who do not have the money to pay for this treatment.  Because, it is a lot of money. I am now formulating in my mind a letter to the head of SEIB and the insurance ombudsman.  It absolutely needs to be done! 

Eager the 'Rockley' dude.

So I started typing this in the car park at Rockley.

The journey took us 6 hours, including about 30 minutes of stoppage time.  Eager travelled like a dream.  Barely leaving a moment without munching on her hay. Which made it very stress free for me and David. This is also aided by the fact I could see her munching on her hay on the camera in Jacqui and Andy's fabulous little lorry.  I really couldn't have done it in the Landy!  The last bit of the journey being the most stressful around the windy roads.  But this literally was the last 30 mins.

 

So I've just been told she settled in amazingly well last night. Bless her cotton socks. She has always been such an easy horse to have and be around, it would appear other horses think so too.  I hope this doesn't change.

I have just walked around the tracks with her and she seems fine, maybe a bit perplexed but not unhappy.

 

Nic's taken all of her photos and has said there is a lot to like about her feet.  Just the media lateral twist that would be the problem. She thinks she'll progress really quickly.  Which is great.

So that's it!  She's here.  I am very excited to see the blogs about her progress.

Huge massive thanks to Jacqui and Andy for lending me their horse box. It made the journey a pleasure for all concerned and obviously saved me some much needed pennies. 

Thank you Marian for being one of the only people in the last few weeks to make me feel better about myself and having the balls to tell me I was doing the right thing (even if it was just to make me feel better)

Also, a big thank you to David for supporting me on the long drive up there and staying at Faulty Towers.  Taking over driving on the way home, when I finally crashed and burned (not literally) and lastly but certainly not least, covering the cost of Rockley because the insurance company wont.

Miss you already Miss Eager B. X

Rockley T+5

Approximately, 11 weeks ago after Eager was showing very intermittent lameness.  She was to my shock at 5 years old and barefoot, diagnosed with Navicular Syndrome.  Told almost there and then the prognosis wasn't brilliant, but maybe able to do light work and possibly a bit of dressage after remedial shoeing.  Not in line with buying an eventer! 

Approx. £3.5k, 2 visits from my vet, 1 visit to Rossdales, 1 X-ray, 1 MRI scan, steroid and huyaloric acid injections, a tildren drip and a few differences of opinion later I am finally 5 days away from my trip to Rockley with Eager (which is where I decided she was going the day I was told the diagnosis) She is still shoeless!

In those few weeks I have remained mainly positive, because my dreams for her are still very much alive (if a little extended). I no longer feel ridiculously unlucky.  Infact, I feel fortunate.  Yes, I had already had two horses diagnosed in their prime to retire.  But, they are still with me and I was fortunate enough to have the money (just) and the space to get Eager.  I am aware and reconciled to the fact she, for the foreseeable future will be my final horse.  But they are all still with me and will spend the rest of their lives with me, in as much comfort as I can offer.  I have not had to make any decisions because I can only afford to keep one on a livery yard or equally have had to give up when Conor retired in 2007. I have had 3 good attempts and learnt so much in that time.  I still carry on learning everyday.  I simply cannot imagine a life without Conor, Zulu, Eager and even Bess. I don't regret a moment.

I have taken advantage of the recent time off and tried to do a combination of house stuff, yard and relaxing :-)  A small glimpse of what normal people do.  I even went to IKEA yesterday and this morning  made and waxed a table! 

Becky sent her dates out for next year, last week and I literally do not know what to do.  I am a little fed up with planning.  I have spent the last few years planning my riding a year in advance... And I'll be honest it hasn't really worked for me.  What I will actually need to do is just get on and ride! Whenever and wherever I can! If I am lucky.......

So, I have had a few blips in the last couple of days because last chance saloon is a week away.  Its easy to function when a dream is still very much attainable.  I very fleetingly allow myself to question what I will do if it doesn't work? But it's so fleeting I don't have an answer.  I'll cross that bridge if and when the route means I have too.  But preferably, I'll jump that river on a cross country course :-)

I remain to live by my motto "you only regret the things you don't do".